出なきゃ

２３日７月２０１３年 １１：５６時っぽいってポストしてた。

    I am giving up. 

    Today i am still a bit upset because i am so amazig right? XD How can a guy dismiss such a great catch like me? Probably because they are preoccupied with other meaningless preferences. 

    I still have interest but at the same time I feel like telling myself just to expect to be friends because you should be with a guy that worships the fuckin ground you walk on, and not as second rate. 

    I was talking with Jose earlier today and we had mentioned about his situation with Fernanda. He mentioned how he was jajaja trying really hard from refraining from having sex becuz shes not staying long and hes also not staying long either. And that having more physical intimate moments would make their goodbye more difficult. And I mentioned how I felt this way in Florida. But my reason was because I have standards (meaning I'm not a fling, I'm the top biatch prize), and I'm a bit serious when I date.

    But my main point is that I have interest in him but becuz i'm not even in his radar and doesn't even notice me when i am mentioned, i'm not going to pursue it. Jajajaja i did pretty much every trick of the book at the bar, and still got nothing. And now i know that the actions that he did that night was becuz he was being polite. So i mean unless he notices me later cool, but i have a good guess that this will never happen.

    He also mentioned that becuz Marcela and Fernanda are not staying here long, that our little group is gonna be broken. I told him that i will be a mentor for INT students this year so there will be plenty of chances to meet new people not from US. He mentioned how Arva is here, and i replied that i am a little hesitant in becoming closer to her because our friendship might end once i leave to japan.

    It's interesting when he said that one of his friends told him that once you hit that 5 year mark of living in Japan there's no option of ever coming back to US. I liked this. Me and Jose have that feeling of "i just need to leave US" and "this is not a country I want to live for the rest of my life". 

    With this in my mind, I will work super super hard to master as much as i can while i am here so that i can study and work over there. I heard it gets really cold in Tokyo during winter so maybe I would be either in Kyoto/Osaka or Tokyo I dunno yet...

    My plan B = still working on it. ^^"