29 4月 2013


Real day of post: 29日4月2013年, a las 8:06)

I gave it some thought and figured i was thinking too much, and i liked something someone said, "leave it alone until it's ready". I'm treating it like it was nothing and one of those many people who talk to but figure you are just acquaintances since when you were testing out those shoes and walking in them, they ended up being too big around the ankle.

This week:
meet up with Yo
go eat/movies with A
school work

28 4月 2013

Brujas Burbujas

(Real day of post: 28日4月2013年, a las 16:14)

    The other night when i was with A at the gym, i had told her that we should plan if we are going to florida or not for winter. (I already knew i was going regardless if she went or not. It was just a matter of what my plans would look like.) She also had asked me a question like, "if you could go anywhere for, let's say a year or so, where would you want to go?". I answered and ping-ponged the question. She says she wants to go to Germany because:
    it feels cozy
    practice more her language ability
    see where she would live and where to find a job

    She asked me if we would go down to florida, what would we do specifically? I told her i didn't have anything specific at the moment, but i had a few random ideas. While i said this she gave me this "i'm not interested" look, but keeping in mind that her 1yr trip to Germany was completely not detailed, i should not be penalized for also not having a tentative schedule......
    Part of me feels like she wants to go there because she feels comfortable and because she already went there. But whenever i ask her if she wants to go do something with me in Chicago she has always managed to come up with an excuse. I really don't understand that. . . She was excited about the smaller things, but traveling anywhere outside her comfort zone. . . isn't her.

    I asked her what type of interior design she likes. She answers: something cozy like Caribu Coffee. Something wood-sy. So in my head i'm thinking browns, medium to darker colors, a lot of furniture and nick-nacks to make the place feel like someone was in there for 50 years (history), probably more wood and carpet than tiles/bambu/glass. She ping-ponged the question. I said i like IKEA, so very modern, very clean, organized, and minimalist. I don't like a lot of things in rooms, because it's not needed. She then says this is something you hear from people that have travelled.
    I think while we may have many little things in common, the bigger picture has always been different.


    AND to talk about more stuff, I had just realized a few minutes ago that they hid the event that said " ** is now friends with *****". Today is the 28th. I posted my new picture on the 23rd (so 4-5 days since the new picture i posted. the reason i say 4-5 is because i wasn't on facebook yesterday. but i do know that it was up for a bit with the new profile picture). In other words, we have been 'FB friends' since the 27th of march (1 month and 4 days). I think it's correlated with my new profile picture. Because my previous one was a cartoon version of myself, and this one is a clear picture of my face.

    I asked myself why would someone want to hide something: because you don't want people to know. Why would you not want people to know: it's embarrassing or something personal, or you just don't want people to know because they are not that close to you. The other reason: you want to hide it from others' knowledge.

    This gives me a bad feeling. . .

    Man. . . I really want to know his reaction after i sit down with him and we talk about things. On the other hand, me and I would have sooo much to say about it. XD She feels like my older sister. We should totally go do more things together!!! Hopefully during the summer or winter time. That is best to do some big things yea?!! :DDD

    Which reminds me, I need to call up Yi, M, and Yo so we can hang out. I think LT is just less interested in doing things outside her schedule. . .
    And I have to go to career office. . .and look up what meetup groups are doing. . .


    OMG!!!! MACCHU PICCHU & MONGOLIA EVENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! :DDDDD

Silent beauty

(Real day of post: 26日4月2013年, a las 12:33)

I didn't sleep well and i didn't wake up well either today.

    I know I am grouchy when I wake up: but that only happens when I wake up to noise that is annoying or to people i find annoying for the time being because they don't bother understanding my feelings. That's why when i stayed with Joaquinito, i noticed he tried very hard to not disturb my sleep in the morning while he did things around the loft. There were times when i still heard him but i wasn't grumpy nor mad; i was happy. He asked me once if he did a good job. I told him that i could still hear him sometimes but i'm waking up so that's natural and it made me happy that i was in his thoughts and cared for me. So even during those times that i did hear him because he was closing the door, i didn't mind.

    I told him that ma doesn't cares or doesn't notice what she does in the morning, hence i naturally want to direct my hate towards her. When you are living with someone, it's those little things that annoy you.

I have learned that when i wake up grumpy its best for everyone if i just don't talk. . .

    Of course there were things that probably annoyed Joaquinito (when i was using the fork to pick up the hummus, or that one time when i walked on the sofa because i was getting my plug), but i did my best to not annoy him.

    For a while i have been able to decrease that anger i have held for a while and not have EVERYDAY waking up grumpy. But this morning it was a little sad and a little angry. Still i do my morning routine, i enjoy walking under the nice weather, i watch an episode of masterpiece classics, i cuddle-up with muchi cuz she's ñoñis, but the feelings persist and i'm struggling inside. You know that feeling when it's so beautiful that it's sad? Aware is what it's called.

    Sometimes i had thought that people who are really bad at hiding their feelings were weak and made them vulnerable to someone else's mall intentions.

I envy them. I am really good at hiding my feelings. At least that is what i thought. . .

    Only one person so far has been able to read me so easily and that took me by surprise because we aren't even that close! For the first time i truly did not know what to say. That person had read even my facial expressions or when i had the lack of, how i walk, and the way i stay quiet when i don't agree with something the person has just said. I didn't even notice i had made a pattern of these things.

    This morning it was not aware but it became aware. I had aware for my life. I had aware for the weather today. I had aware for the mennonite women who were watching the boat turning. I had aware when i was reading A Tale For The Time Being by Ruth Ozeki in the train.

Today is aware.

27 4月 2013

Me recuerdo

(Real day of post: 27日4月2013年, a las 20:09)

I remembered when he had told me he was going away for a game and it would be difficult to have internet access and therefore could not email. I respected his space.

I sent him an email not long after that saying "頑張れ!let me know how the game goes".

In less than 48 hours he had messaged me back saying he was still at the game and will stay busy for a while longer.

Time passed and I sent another email. Again.

We have the same birthday date. Different year. Different times and countries of the planet. He didn't forget to tell me happy birthday. Neither did I.

Even more time passed and I didn't email him anymore and he didn't email me anymore. Very rarely he clicked like on some of my posts. But at one point it all stopped. This is when I knew.

I deleted him off my friends list. We don't talk anymore to this day.

His messages used to bring me a gentle happiness. He was a medical student still studying and would move on to his medical study. His medical school had a rugby team that he was very passionate about, and was a typical beer drinker. He lived in Otsu, Kyoto and felt he needed practice in his english only because it was the popular language to learn at the time.

Yamada Takashi.

Once again, i think this is happening. But the first time for a great engineer to put their skills to play; displayed all the patterns, sketches, diagrams, recognized what they had remembered and created a well architecture.

26 4月 2013

Dim sum

(Real day of post: 27日4月2013年, a las 11:17)

Even with aware (use spanish to pronounce it: a - wa - re ), there is still more to the day or what is to come. I wonder if Joaquinito has ever felt aware. I think there are many terms from different cultures that explain a state of emotion, and though we may not know all of them, it's possible that we feel them already. Everytime I see a good movie I feel and have aware and so i cry. . .

(If you are still unsure of what aware means, i'll explain now: )

Yesterday night went to the gym with A again. There were some hot guys there. :P And remember the "socialize more" thing? I tried it! (Maybe i had this ability of making people talk and never knew it?) So we were talking about youtube videos, and i mentioned WongFu and asked the guy sitting near us if he knew about them (becuz i was shocked A didn't know after all the youtube videos she watches.....).
And he said, "yea they do some really good videos". After that, we talked more together as a group, and after a bit he left so me and A continued to talk. Mind you we were at the jakuzi so starting to talk with a total guy stranger in my bikini was already a situation that i have NEVER done.

Today, hanging out with Yi and M. Like i had suspected, LT isn't coming. So it will just be 3 of us for dim sum. Hopefully next time we all can show up! Including Yo.

Right now just waiting and relaxing at cafecito. I was reading over the conversation, and there are a few parts that bring a smile to my face. I think it helps to remember the good parts but only for a few seconds and then after just forcing.

25 4月 2013


(Real day of post: 25日4月2013年, a las 22:05)

    This is exactly what I'm talking about!!!!!!



Yes it does frustrate me and hurts too.
But mostly I'm pissed off!!!
At least in this moment.

This is something that me and Jose were
talking about:

because you always can take 3 minutes
from your schedule to do it,

and you just know because of that gut
feeling, but because you can't see clearly
you're not really sure if it is true or not.

At the end of the day...

you know.

No me haga caso!!!

(Real day of post: 25日4月2013年, a las 11:14:18)

 Working on my own time feels great. 母によると、サラリマン/働きマンの特徴があるん(毎日のようにたくさん勉強するしクラスの仕事をするし)だけど、そんなことを言ったにもかかわらず私にとってそうじゃないだと思う。
 But every now and then Muchi will lick my toes. That's her way of saying "stop working and pay attention to me!!!". With ma, she barks at her. But Muchi knows that barking doesn't work on me. She's a very....smart little person. She is a queen of this house :P


 In other news,
   i took Matthew's advice and started talking to more people. The working guy at Cafecito finally remembers my name. :D And he remembered my usual order, but I had ordered something different yesterday.

   I also felt more confident to come up to Junhua and say hi. That was actually funny because at first when I waved hi, he pointed at himself (I nodded), and I started walking up to him (he looks behind him and I'm thinking 'yea I'm talking to you jaja'). It was just something quick.

   In screen class, (still can't remember if his name was ryan or brian...) but I talked to him and brought up something like,
   "oh. i see that you have a nakama book. what LVL are you in?".
   Of course I know the answer, but I wanted to bring up something that we had in common in order to start the conversation. And we did start talking 'what teacher do you have' 'which one do you like' etc..

   In that same class, also talked to Gabi. She's younger than me but she's a little edgy so it's fun to talk to her. Apparently she is very serious about upsetting the balance of the unwritten rule of assumed-assigned-seating.


(Real day of post: 24日4月2013年, a las 18:08)

Jose told me something that just confirmed what I was thinking:

" you know when the person is interested in you and you know when their mind is preoccupied. "

It was a good late lunch.

24 4月 2013

Mira a frente

(Real day of post: 24日4月2013年, a las 12:37)

Escuchando a "Si tu no le dice" y "Te quiero" desde Makano.

I think i am still at that point where i am feeling ok, and slowly accepting though at times I still think about it but not as intensely as before. Is this a good thing right? Just wanted something else to look forward to.

For example, My focus is looking forward to:
hang out with Jose today during our lunch break
have dim sum with my workshop group on saturday
see Yoko next week
finally get my permanent crown!!!
go to the Matthew Hussey event
go long-boarding with Annie soon
writing my paper on JP and Brasilia
the end of this quarter
go paddle boarding during summer with Annie
visit Annie at her camp during summer
starting my summer class
going to Atlanta (around august)
going to 6Flags (september, a friday)
cranking up the heater during winter so my room still feels like 80 degrees :P
going to orlando and staying at a fancy hotel with ma
spending the rest of my winter break in florida with Annie and Anna

I was thinking of visiting Eddie in Washington, but there's not much to do in Washington.. People don't say "this year i'm going to washington!!!!". Plus he's married, so it would look weird. Plus I really don't like his partner, so that would be even more of stress than an actual 'relax time'.

23 4月 2013


(Real day of post: 23日4月2013年, a las 16:38)

There's a new train man. (the guy that you have to show your tickets to) He looks relatively young! Maybe he is new. Or just covering for the usual guy.

I realized today that I have to do 2 days worth of work for JP class so that I'm not rushing after the russia class. I did do the screen work 1st because it was the easiest to get out of the way. So this week feels like I'm just showing up to class, and listening to him lecture. It feels nice, but at the same time a bit boring (because I already did the work and understand it, so I feel like instead of showing up, I can work on something else during that time).

Maybe you can tell?
Today is a rainy day. No new news to talk about. Wore the wrong shoes... Not much excitement.
Today was just a lot of work to do.

(a las 00:54: Update)

At the end of the day your career/job isn't going to be laying next to you in bed when you wake up to tell you good morning...

22 4月 2013

Screw that!

(Real day of post: 22日4月2013年, a las 11:25:02)

The people around you make an impact on you and your attitude. When around people who like to relax, or take a lot of time into exercising, it makes you want to exercise more and relax more. When you are around positive-attitude people, it makes you more positive.

The people I was surrounded by in Depaul (still am in some unavoidable ways), in my neighborhood, in the downtown area, in Chicago downtown. I have realized they have affected me in a negative way. Even in the japanese club! I don't really go anymore because it wasn't something exciting to look forward to.

The only positive I can think of is the GTS dinner. My teacher is awesome. (Sometimes he may bring one of his daughters.) And though there are some people that I don't necessarily like, the people I do get along with are much more. We are all just about having a good time, and enjoying it.

But anyway, my point is: that the negativity was intoxicating me, and I had not realized it once I was out of that bubble. I knew that I was mad almost all the time, but didn't realize that it was from many things and not just the depaul people... It has already affected my ma too... Once coming back, that's when I told myself these things are beyond my control, it is someone else's problem to deal with their own miserable lives and not dump it on someone else, and that I have to go to different events to meet new faces. (This last one I had already started but I was focused on a small/specific areas, like the JP table club and animation group. Things that were more of really impacting hobbies of mine, but not looking at the bigger picture.)

So once I started attending things from the international program at depaul, I have begun to like the people from the start. I'm going to keep going. :P

I also found a hiking and rock-climbing group and another for Doctor Who fans.

Why focus your energy on a small group of people that just increase your bad energy? Screw that!

21 4月 2013

Super Freak

(Real day of post: 21日4月2013年, a las 14:56:12)

    So I had originally written this post before, but I accidentally deleted it....So what I had wrote at that time is lost forever :/ But I still remember a few things that I wrote about:

    Lately I've been listening to a lot of Bruno Mars and Imagine Dragons, so I made a playlist in my youtube account. Only because I haven't downloaded the songs yet. But particularly I have been listening to this song repeated times and I kept thinking:
    ....this would be a really good sex song. XD
    At least for those moments when you just going wild.
    And then my imagination just kept going but I'm not going to tell you that part. :P

    And it could also make for a good dance routine. :D I'm not a professional dancer, but I would so practice day and night for this song. It's not really the lyrics. For me its more of the beats and the overall composition of the song cuz' I find myself wanting to dance to it.


    Oh and I plan to go to one of their concerts at some point. I had told my her this and she started talking about Cirque de Solei (wrong spelling), and this park where students go for free. But I've already been to 2 cirque's, and the park really isn't my thing.... SOOOO I am set on going to concert from Imagine Dragons, Far East Movement, and Bruno Mars. And next month I'm seeing Matthew Hussey as part of his America Tour!!!!! YEEES! I'm pretty sure I'm going alone since annie didn't seem that interested....maybe she was and I just didn't notice it?...
    She definitely had her eyes glued on the book once she picked it up. Jajajaja xD

    Either way, I'm doing stuff! :D
    I already talked with Joaquinito yesterday, and told him to be prepared for my surprise visit at like....2am and throw rocks at his window. I didn't tell him when (duh) cuz' then it wouldn't be a surprise! And if he doesn't answer, I'll just go down the list of people I know and go annoy them. XD
    Be like, "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyy. Guess who?!! Wake up already!! TENGO HAMBRE!!!".
    Probably they would be so mad at me for that...

    But who cares right?! XD Let's see....if someone did that to me, trying to wake me up at 2am cuz they came from some other state. Well.....me duermo como piedra....so......wouldn't even be able to hear them cuz I'm just knocked out. They'd have to make an incredibly loud racket for a whiiiiiile for me to hear it. And when my sleep is disturbed, I wake up cranky, but I would soon let that go because I would be excited for them to be there.

    Talking about visiting, annie is taking 'a year from life' (these were her words), so we planned already for during my winter break (annie, me and anna) to go down to florida and just spend a month there. I already have made plans with ma to go to disney with her for about a week? Still don't know the dates... BUT we're gonna look into it now (the sooner you look, the cheaper plain tickets are), and plan where to stay, rent car, etc. I already told her I'd have to show these alcohol virgins to Tap42, cuz it's not a vacation if you never drink...

   The reason for doing it during winter break is because my spring break is really not that long. Unless I push my teachers to allow me to take finals earlier. And yea it's going to be chilly, but I prefer 'chilly florida' than 'fuckin freezing illinois'. :P

How To Text

(Real day of post: 21日4月2013年, a las 12:39:02)

    I was just reading this quick chapter on texting, in the book 'Get The Guy' by Matthew Hussey, and I was all:

    Before this I have only read the introduction so far, but I just really wanted to jump into a section that interested me the most, so that when I get back to it I would have read it 2 times now. Anyway, what I like about this book is that he also gives you a little video for every chapter to explain even more what he is talking about (regarding that chapter), and gives also a written version underneath the video. So I decided to post what he wrote at the bottom of the video for texting. If this is the type of topic that interests you, buy the book. :DDD

"I want to talk about a seemingly innocent text message that a guy might send that can often cause women to slip up. I'm going to give you a good answer for when it crops up, and a bad answer so you know what to avoid at all costs. Let me paint the picture for you... It's mid-week, there's a guy you kind of like, and he sends you a message that says, "Are you around this weekend?"
I know the thought process that you go through here... 
Firstly there's an element of excitement - the guy you kind of like just sent you a message, and he's asking if you're available! However, as well as the excitement, there's a part of you that finds this message really annoying!
Why? Because this message is noncommittal on his part. It's his way of saying, 'I haven't decided if I'm going to do something with you yet this weekend, but I want to assess the situation.'
In this moment he's putting the onus on you to figure things out.
 Firstly here's what to avoid. This is a seemingly innocent response, but one that comes from an insecure place that would kill a guy's attraction for you...  
 "Yea definitely, what are you up to?"
This reply, "yea definitely", shows that you really want to see him, and that you're willing to make your time free for him. Saying "what are you up to?" is showing a desire to further the conversation, but not really taking it anywhere. It seems innocent enough I know, but both of these elements come from an insecure place.
Instead I want to offer a suggestion that will allow you to remain in power, and come across as someone who is in control of the situation (as well as putting the ball back in his court to lead)...
 "Could be, what are you thinking?"
"Could be" is the part that of this message gives some hope - and that's important. It's the part that shows him that he can earn your approval where you might make yourself available. This is going to sound tenuous and small, but even adding an 'I' to begin the sentence detracts from the casual feel given to it.
Remember, you want the onus to be on him. It's up to him to do the work and you're just responding. "What are you thinking?" puts him on the back foot to come up with something, and has far greater impact than 'what are you up to?'.
In saying this, he now has to come up with a good idea.
He has to come up with something that you could do together, he has to lead, make decisions, and prove himself as a man in this moment. (Llesi's comment: In this way you are making him feel like a man.)
This is exactly where you want him to be, and this is exactly what a high-value woman would do to a guy. Expect him to step up and be a man, and don't do the work for him. (Llesi's comment: I have had experiences with this, especially with my ex, and as a lady/woman you do NOT want to do all the work. Sure you may be thinking that you want to be helpful, but then he may expect that from now on. He will be less likely to take the initiative and assume that you like 'having the ball on your court'. So hit that ball right back to him, so that he now has to prove himself as a man to you.)
This isn't playing hard to get, but allowing him to play his role!
Resist the temptation to get too excited, and stay in your own power. " 
    At first, I was asking myself the same questions that he had pointed out at the beginning of this chapter, and once he mentioned those 'let's catch up' text messages and what he said about it, it stunned me for a bit! Of course there were some points that I have already naturally done.

    For example, the 'could be, what are you thinking?' text, I have already learned to do myself. Maybe not in those exact words, but because from my previous experiences, I don't want to do all the work! If he wants to spend time with me, then man up and come up with something.

    Another example: a week ago Kevin texted me if I wanted to hang out on friday. I said, "what did you have in mind?". I know very well what I would like to do and where to go and have plenty of suggestions, but that was not my role in that situation. He is also younger and shy (at least around me), so I gave him the chance to man up and actually say something. He said, "we could walk around the city...?". After that I didn't reply because it sounded like he had no clue as to what to do. He couldn't make up his mind. (Btw, I didn't and don't like this guy so it really didn't matter to me whether we would hang out or not.)

    To be nice, I agreed saying, "yea, could do that". But nothing else. We ended up not hanging out. I didn't see him where we were suppose to meet after 5 minutes, so I spent my time with someone else. It wasn't until an HOUR later that he texted me and said something about how he's sorry and that he had to run quickly and do some errands for his mother. That he's in the CDM building if I still wanted to hang out.


    I was furious when I got that text at that moment because it told me that he went to hang out with his friends at CDM after his supposedly 'mom errand', and had either purposely ditched me from the beginning and lied about this 'errand' or just forgot that we were even going to hang out and finally remembered after an HOUR!

    It's not just that. I was mad at his suggestion of ME coming to HIM where HE was at! After he just ditched me and didn't even bother to let me know what happened ON TIME, and now assumes that I am going to make the effort into just hanging out with him?!!!!!
    HELL NO!!!

    I am a high-value señorita, and I have my standards. I make time in my schedule for socializing with acquaintances/etc, but I expect levels of respect towards each other.

    Another day, Kevin texted me again but I didn't even answer.
    Not worth my energy.

    But anyway, this chapter gave me some reassurance as to what I can do (or not do :P). Even after getting my conformation, I had satisfaction after reading the chapter. My mind is calm. ^^

20 4月 2013

Restaurante chino

(Real day of post: 19日4月2013年)

I'm really excited! Yizhou He kept his word (and meant it) about all of us hanging out and trying out chinese restaurants in chicago. Literally just got the email a few minutes ago. Now it's 21:46. I'm voting for the MingHi Cuisine place (btw all of these are in chinatown) just because they have a huge dim sum menu. I've had dim sum before but from a japanese perspective. But I'm open to what the others want to do. I hope we can work it out with people's schedules.

19 4月 2013

He estado viviendo en IL por mas o menos 11 años.

(Real day of post: 19日4月2013年)

El cross-cultural team workshop fue muy interesante y muy divertido! I met some interesting people: Jorge de Colombia, me olvidé su nombre pero el es de Brasilia, Yoko de Japón, Mentha y Yizhou He de China (Sichuan y ja me olvidé de donde es Mentha), y Latienda de Chicago. We all agreed to hang out later. We exchanged email and cell numbers.
Jorge was at another table so he didn't get to know the others. Same with brazilian guy. I just went up to them during one of our exercises, and we started talking since then. He's interested in Chinese/asian culture.

In the elevator on the way out, me and Mentha met another guy. Jade? Jay? Jed? He is from Chicago. Since I was assigned a seat in the very front, he knew that I am from Puerto Rico, and he said, "that's not very international". These were his exact words. I said nothing back, because that showed me how much he knows about latino america or international things.....nothing. He didn't seem very open-minded about this workshop. I'm not really sure why he came....

But this was soooooo much better than sitting in japanese class!!!!!!! I don't have to deal with my classmates whom all (except for 1) are american. I wished all my classes were this internationalized like the workshop!!!!!

The workshop diversity: the 2 biggest groups were from China and US. Ah! There was also an older lady from Peru! I didn't get the chance to talk to her. :( It would have been even more great if we had more time to talk to people from different tables, and then all of us go to dinner! XD

This is why i felt so weird the first day in my florida spring break. Because there was practically almost no asian people!!! Not even indian! And even less black people! I guess I got used to that type of group...?

When I first move to US, of course I was in ESL so the only friends I had were from ESL. :P
In high school, pretty much all of my friends were asian. The rest would be indian and like......2 americans. (This was mostly because I dedicated a lot of my time to badminton: training camp all year round, and then season time. And I was also in orchestra, and most people in these 2 groups are asian; regardless if they had some pressure from their parents or choose by themselves).

And of course I was always friends with the exchange students: Edi and Flavia. (Those are the people I get along with the most. People who are more international.) I naturally found them and they naturally found me. :) Even in uni., I always somehow attract to exchange/INT students: Sachi, Ryu and Yuta. Basically, I get along with people who are more.....wordly? Because when you travel from different countries and experience different cultures, you have to mature. There's no way around that. If you don't, then you aren't an international person. I can keep explaining more aspects, but I'm already making this cellphone post kind of long....

I'm happy to have had another good experience, and meet other people who I feel excited around. I have never been that person who makes other people talk (in a comfortable way). Only recently have I learned to do that. But before I was always a bit quiet/reserved. I was less outspoken than how I am now.

Sometimes I still do have quiet moments because I am giving time for the other person to talk, or i'm not sure what to say, and because sometimes I just like silence. :) Silence is golden.

Tiempo: たくさん時間があるし今暇。

I have said many times before: time feels slow when you pay attention to it. Time feels fast when you don't pay attention to it.

Lately time has felt slow for me. And there has only been very few days where it felt like lightning speed. Tuesdays and Wednesdays. The rest of the week feels normal or slow. And I know why.

So I have a theory. Let's see if it works.

18 4月 2013


I just read a passage from one of my favorite authors. Thich Nhat Hanh. It kind of made me think...

He talks about hope being an obstacle. The title is " Hope as an Obstacle". Here is the passage:

Hope is important, because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today. But that is the most that hope can do for us -- to make some hardship lighter. When I think deeply about the nature of hope, I see some tragic. Since we cling to our hope in the future, we do not focus our energies and capabilities on the present moment. We use hope to believe something better will happen in the future, that we will arrive at peace, or the kingdom of god. Hope becomes a kind of obstacle. If you can refrain from hoping, you can bring yourself entirely into the present moment and discover the joy that is already there.
Enlightenment, peace, and joy will not be granted by someone else. Te well is within us, and if we dig deeply in the present moment, the water will spring forth. We must go back to the present moment in order in order to be really alive. When we practice conscious breathing, we practice going back to the present moment where everything is happening.

Western civilization places so much emphasis on the idea of hope that we sacrifice the present moment. Hope is for the future. It cannot help us discover joy, peace, or enlightenment in the present moment. Many religions are based on the notion of hope, and this teaching about refraining from hope may create a strong reaction. But the shock can bring about something important. I do not mean that you should not have hope, but that hope is not enough. Hope can create an obstacle for you, and if you dwell in the energy of hope, you will not bring yourself back entirely into the present moment. If you re-channel those energies into being aware of what is going on in the present moment, you will be able to make a breakthrough and discover joy and peace right in the present moment, inside of yourself and all around you.

A. J. Muste, the mid-twentieth-century leader of the peace movement in America who inspired millions of people, said, "There is no way to peace, peace is the way". This means that we can realize peace right in the present moment with our look, our smile, our words, and our actions. Peace work is not a means. Each step we make should be peace. Each step we make should be joy. Each step we make should be happiness. If we are determined, we can do it. We don't need the future. We can smile and relax. Everything we want is right here in the present moment.


On that last post, I think I made Yuta look bad?... If that is what it sounded, I definitely was not implying that feeling. So I apologize for that.
Anyway, just asked him if he can come to 6flags! Let's see if that will work out. :D That would be really cool.

He's a very energetic guy and brings that out of people. Like every other guy, he has his immature moments. Especially when he keeps saying "that's what she said". Sometimes he may be a bit lazy, but overall he's genuinely nice person and respectful of other people.
Maybe I'll ask edi?

And I don't mind opening my house to people. I like being helpful and feeling useful to others. It's free and much better than staying at the motels that are around here. They can be unsanitary.... And there is space for 2 guests. We only have 2 bedrooms, so I can't give a 'luxury' experience, but once I move things around, the guests can feel like its their other home. ^^ As long as they don't break my shit. XD

Need people for 6flags

    It seems that today, while I was writing an assignment, I was beginning to ask myself so many questions. The assignment has to do with character building, so you have to ask details and really get to the details of WHO this person is. It was an ok exercise....
    Too easy.

    But I ended up asking questions about things again (like usual), and started worrying about something that really doesn't matter, because it's in the future. It's like I had thought too much on certain details and made a scenario that is one of the many possibilities. Why I started worrying I don't know why. But then I had talked with her about it, and she had asked me the same thing "why are you worrying about something that hasn't happened?". I didn't answer because I didn't have an answer at that time. Plus, it opened my mind and was wondering the same thing! why?
    Maybe it's just my insecurities?...

    Well that's what friends are there for: to keep you calm when you go crazy (especially in your love life), tell you bluntly those pants make you look bigger,
and TAN TAN TAAAAAAAAN, the most important,
go to 6flags with me because I'm so nice for giving you a free ticket to a day that isn't open to the public so we can go on american eagle like 6 times with not much wait!!!!! :DDDD AND!! The company gives each ticket holder an 'allowance' (spending money), so really it's a free day for all of us.

    Can you tell?
    I'm really excited! The past 2 years the company didn't do 6flags and instead did a zoo...Not cool! But now that my BFF eddie is gone in the military, I'm not sure if he'll be able to come... But for sure annie will come! I already asked brittany but she told me she doesn't like roller-coasters.... I'm not asking monse because she's not really that close a friend... andrew would ruin it, so no.... edi is in romania.... erik didn't say no but didn't say yes, so i'm assuming he doesn't wanna go :( .... i'm not sure if i want to ask jose to come. same with idaris... and kevin?...no... i admit it would be cool if erik and friend of his could come or something, but I think that's not likely to happen..
graaaaa I need more people to come!!!!!
4 or 5 people would be a good number! 
only because i think 5 or 6 tickets is the maximum? I'm not sure yet... but it's a small enough group where everyone gets to talk to each other. and enough where we can ride together and not get separated too much.

    I think I worked out 4 times just because I didn't want to think about it. And because I wanted to work out! Like Jose (who I ran into today during my class break), I have my personal standards that I would like to achieve. ^^

    I have already decided that it is not something important and should be discarded. Like the song from Imagine Dragons, I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones enough to make my system grow. Welcome to the new age. I'm radioactive. That's how I feel like right now. If it is what I think it is (with this possibility that I just thought of), then I have to make my stance clear and hold back more.

    Like I told Yuta; maybe but probably not. And that's when he said; in that case I would say no because I would keep wanting it. And then I said; well that's what I consider part of a monogamous relationship.

    He's the typical japanese guy that is afraid of commitment for the same reason every other guy says (in jp), because they are afraid of it not working out in the future and divorce. So he literally is just screwing around. Of course, I didn't push my views on him, but it's going to be very likely that he won't find someone to be serious with if he keeps doing what he's doing and keeps that mentality of his. He says he does want to find someone. And I said: well.....if she sleeps with you or is really sexual from the very start, she isn't serious about you. Maybe she will become serious, but it's known that guys get bored if they get it too easily... And of course that is what you want NOW, but later on it's going to slap you in the ass.

    One time, he had a sex buddy, and I was all "be careful. because girls tend to complicate things. she may develop more feelings for you during that time and you will have to prepare yourself for when that moment comes when she says 'i want to be more than just sex buddies'. you will need to know if what you feel for her is just sex or if you genuinely care". Of course he ended it, and I knew it would happen that way. Sometimes you can't help yourself and control your emotions. Once you start putting feelings into an equation it becomes messy. That can be either a good or bad thing, depending. Some people keep it a mess and/or keep complicating it even more. Other people turn that mess into something beautiful.


    Yesterday I had seen Ayami's photos of her and Aziz that she posted on facebook, and was so happy for her. ^^ She found someone that is her boyfriend and her best friend. Which that is how it should be...you can't be intimate if you aren't friends. Although he lives in Cali and she lives in Japan, but they manage to visit each other. (That should be some expensive visits....and a 12/13 hour difference. Time travel!!!) But I believe that love really doesn't have those boundaries. Of course, long-distance doesn't work for everyone.

    Previously, she was studying abroad in Cali and we had plans to meet, but it didn't work out because it ended up being too expensive for me at the time, and her school schedule was different from my schedule. I don't know how long we have known each other... I remember when we first started talking to each other that she was excited because she loved american guys and wanted to see the world outside Japan, and I had said I was interested in japanese guys. (That view I had on guys has already changed.)

    The other day we talked about our future plans, work, etc. She has plans to immigrate to US (which if I was working at the immigration office by the time she does that, I would so help her). No specific location yet, but her heart is set on it already. I can tell. Just like mine. So I also mentioned my plans to move.
    (I have wanted to get out of Chicago for a while now, for many reasons. Even when I was looking at where to go transfer to uni., I was looking around where Joaquinito lived. That's how long I've been thinking about it.) And so I figured I would take that opportunity with grad school. I had told her my 'unsure-ness' of where specifically (for grad school), but we both have that "this is where I want to live" feeling. It's that sensation when you visit/stay in a place, and it makes you feel so much better compared to where you are living, that in THAT moment you have already decided you want to stay.
    So this is the time where we both have that goal in mind, and just going for it!

    I congratulated her and wished for her life to be filled with more happiness, and I sincerely meant it. Because she is my friend and I feel no need to be 'polite' in the sense of obligation. That's when she said, 'thank you. He is also my best friend. We can talk about anything'. She then asked me if I had found anyone like that.

17 4月 2013

Debate!!! Freaking out!!!

Last night had my night class. I think my teacher likes to pick on me. And I realize it's just for fun, but also I think because she thinks I'm too quiet. But I'm not the only one!! XD It was a lot of fun. We got paired in groups. I got paired with Alexey. (Pronounced like Alexi. An extremely common russian name for guys.) He seems blunt and kind, and I know he is always prepared, so I know it wont be me who is doing all the work......unlike the group I am suppose to be with for our debate today for japanese class. Guy1 is antisocial and doesn't communicate AT ALL! I've tried to be nice to him in the past classes we have had together, but it's like he doesn't like people or something. And when he sends emails, at the end he is always asking me to do something on top of what I have already done!
"Can you translate this? Can you post this on D2L? Can you make sure these translations are correct?"
Yea......maybe once you do some actual work, I'll put an extra effort. But this is a group debate team. If I do all the work, don't expect me to tell the teacher you actually had something to do with it...

Guy2 doesn't do any work and doesn't communicate, so I purposely asked him nicely if he could consider doing the hardest part of he debate. You know, in a way where it seems like his idea. :P He volunteered after all! Because he felt he was the most prepared for saying things on the spot.
Yup! We are screwed!

I prepared for the debate in the train earlier, so my section is fine. I'm ready for whatever comes my way.

In other news, I've posted pictures of this couple. Why? Because I keep bumping into them. I suspect they take classes together too since that's what they did when we all took Animation 201.... They seem like they really like each other but really!!! They are together ALL the time! I never see them apart. And if they are apart, it's because they are outside the class waiting for the other to finish. I wonder if they have any friends...Or if they're humping each other 24/7. I just noticed that they dress alike...
Just look! Jeans, gray color on top. I heard somewhere that once you are with a person for some time, you start dressing like each other. Of course, that's not always the case.

It would make sense if this is their first serious relationship, or if the guy also has a more feminine vibe about him to be that mushy all the time. It's just interesting to watch them.

16 4月 2013


It's funny because I saw this same guy last tuesday, and is sitting in the same seat. Same jacket I think... Same train too. Weird right?


    Creía que estaba feliz porque no quería ser esa persona que no era importante...la persona que tiene un limite por una semana...la persona que no tiene un futuro con amantes...la persona aburrida...etc etc 等 Con la confirmación que recibí, ya no me siento como esos sentimientos. A veces quiero disfrutar mi tiempo y no trabajar ni estudiar. Jajajaja. XD Espero que'n el futuro podemos continuar lo que dejamos atrás. Pues.....no quiero decir eso. Espero que'n el futuro podemos continuar lo que nos sentamos es verdad.

" I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones, enough to make my system grow. 
Welcome to the new age, to the new age, welcome to the new age, to the new age. 
Woooo. Woooo. I'm radioactive, radioactive. 
Woooo. Woooo. I'm radioactive, radioactive. "

14 4月 2013


Random stuff





I'm a very weak person. I have a lot of weaknesses;
physically I'm not strong, I have doubts, sometimes I don't have confidence,
I get hurt, other times I don't feel pretty.
At times I feel like crying but want no one to know about it.

But I think that's normal.

we all have our weaknesses.

We all cry and feel alone. It's what makes us people.
But it balances out when we have other people around us.
To share moments, events, to go to places with, to cry with, to laugh with.
We all want the same thing;
to love and be loved.

So I think my weaknesses is also what makes me ....me.
To know strength is to know weakness.

I know I'm weak,

but when I set my mind to something...I don't give up.
You can tell me all the secrets you've kept within yourself,
....and all the fears you have never thought about telling someone,
and I will tell no one. I'm very trustworthy.
If you need my help, because you need a ride home, encouragement, advice,
help with work, come up with ideas, be blunt with you whether or not
that outfit looks good on you,
or because you need someone to listen to you;
.....I'll help you.

Yes, I'm weak. But I'm strong too.
I think being with the people I love and who love me gives me strength.

Peal peal

I'm pealing everywhere!! Before it was just my shoulders, now... The only spots I'm not pealing are the areas I didn't tan. Next time I'm not using Joaquinitos sunblock spray and instead using my own...

I've always tanned nicely, but this is just from poor sunblock. Next time!!

Su nombre en mi mente.

I recently was reading another newsletter from Matthew Hussey and he posted his response to a woman who asked what she should do with a guy who has been giving her hot and cold. (I don't really know what that means...) And he said this guy may be doing it for 2 main/possible reasons. The first one was this:

1. It could be that he has been hurt in the past and is scared of making himself vulnerable; which is why he feels the need to break away when he realizes how close he is getting to you.

And he went to explain in more detail. But it got me thinking if I had ever acted this way... recently when I am aware of my feeling of the moment, I make myself busy. With school work, activities, friends... Anything that can get me distracted so that I don't have to think about it too much. So yes, I am avoiding what I feel at times. But I think that if the other person shows that they truly and genuinely care then I am ok. Because I get confirmation from them, and so I worry less about being hurt again.

It doesn't matter if you or the other person does the breaking up, both people get hurt in some way. For the better or worse those experiences change a person. That changed person will act differently around the next person they meet. They may be more closed in, or scared, or optimistic. In the end, everybody wants to be loved and be happy.

A friend once told me that if your relationship is not adding happiness to your life, it's time to walk away. (This is applied to any kind of relationship.)

You are the one who chooses to be happy, sad, bored. When you are with someone else, that other person gives off a vibe or sensation. (I can't think of a good word...) Around some people, you may feel more bored or just not really having chemistry so not interested in them. Others make you feel alive and makes you think if all this time (before I saw this person) you were grumpy, because they just add so much wonderful feelings to you and you feel alive again!

Those are the type of people I want to surround myself with.

13 4月 2013


    Watched The Host (movie) with a friend, and there were at LEAST 4 times when I cried. I can't count because there were a lot of good moments! :DDDD After the movie ended, my friend says:

friend: were you crying? cuz i heard you sniffing
me: yea!! it was a really good movie (i'm still a little teary cuz the ending was good). i'm sorry. i'm a crier. when it's a really good movie, with good emotional moments, i cry.
friend: so i guess you didn't read the book?
me: THERE'S A BOOK?!?!?!!!!
friend: YAA!!
me: what's the book like? is it different? what?
friend: well, it explained a bit more thoroughly but the movie was really accurate.
me: aah ok. that's good.

So....yea I had no idea that it was a book...
And definitely I would watch this movie again, and again, and again.
    It's also a good movie to watch with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Although, if I watch it again with a person that I like, I probably wouldn't be paying much attention to the movie at times. Either way, I can respect if they would want to really see the movie because they're really into it. But then at soon as it ends...

    Speaking of that, the other day I was going to say/post/think, "it's been a week...." but I got it. I GOT IT! And it was the first time in my life when I was crying because I was happy. (Maybe because I was in the crying mood because of the movie?) But it was the first time. I've never done that before. And I have never understood when people talked about "I'm crying because I'm happy". When I got home, I felt like dancing (which I did), and jumping up and down, and asking my ma for a hug!! I like....almost never hug her. XD

    So that was my day. I became very very happy from something so small. I became happy in florida but this time it wasn't because of an event or a day. Just something small. And simple. ^^

    Once I settled at home, after organizing and cleaning some things, I laid on my bed and just kept thinking good/happy thoughts while I stared at the ceiling. At some point I just closed my eyes so I can imagine it better. So I can picture it better. And then I went off into my imagination and my memories and was just enjoying it. ^^

    I heard part of this song at the end of the movie and I really liked it so I wanted to share with you.


So much better than watching a deppresing movie about a JET who died in the tsunami.

These will be my future purchases! So that I will look more hot and sexy. :P Cuz i'm already pretty awesome. (not really but I like showing some of my confidence.)

Earlier was looking for bras, and I wanted a more lacy one...and i found it. ^^

this is .... a sexy pajama dress? i'm not sure what to call it but it looks hot. It also came in white and baby pink, and comes with a complimentary thong.

beach cover up (that doesn't actually cover up anything, it just looks hot). SO AWESOME!!!

white bikini. definitely something i would wear, and with that lacy fabric on the top, it adds some detail. plus, white also accentuates your tan. :P

beach shorts.

my favorite color: green. especially dark forest green, aqua green/blue, and neon green!

a lot of times i like taking pictures of the mannequins, because sometimes they have really good ideas. and it doesn't have to be those exact pieces. you can always alternate with something similar.

i loved all these 3 outfits, but..

more likely to wear this one! so cool.

11 4月 2013


There are very few moments in my life when I feel embarrassed. This is one of them!!

I should have realized my comments were simultaneously being posted on Facebook!!. I deleted them all once I found out but I hope no one saw them! >_< OMG i can't show my face!
Yea...i'm just going to hide under my bedsheets now..


    Do you ever find it difficult to work with a team?
    I like working in teams. I really don't mind it.
    It's especially exciting when others are just as interested in the subject as you.
    But I feel like I have to babysit this team...

    The topic is school education system. We have things to do and I get frustrated when I am teamed up with people that ask stupid questions, don't communicate, or don't put in effort.
    We are so screwed....
They can't expect me to do all the work...

    Which reminds me, in the poli sci class, we got to discussing in detail (again about education system, but particular to japan, and other correlations) and now I understand why universities have created the Global 30 program.

    They are trying to fill in their empty seats (because their own population is declining and not many people are interested in having kids for multiple reasons), so Japan figured they could fill in those empty spots in universities with foreign students. And that way they don't have to start firing teachers/professors/etc. But from what I see with this situation is that the foreign student is waisting their time because they are expected to study there, waste some of their money on tourist activities and after that is done, go back home, because is it already extremely difficult for japanese citizens to find jobs.

    At the same time, it wasn't long ago when Japan changed their immigration system. Now it's even more difficult to stay in because it's like this: the gov awards more points to those individuals (and their immediate family members that would be accompanying them) who have skills and work experiences they value the most.
    But again, that doesn't make sense because generally people don't go to Japan to look for those high qualifying jobs, second the people they are looking at who are able to go in more easily are already around early-middle 30's. Meaning that they already have a family, so they are no help with Japan's population decline. :P But probably Japan wouldn't want that type of generation since there has always been a clear divide between us vs. them...

    Yea...I could keep talking about this for a really long time. XD And once you start adding politics, government, women issues, it gets even more complex..

    On other things, it was my mistake to ask them if they want to go to a concert. I said location, date, and time (11:30). The first one asked "wait is that at night?", and the other said "um, idk its kinda late...".
What do you say to that?
"No its 11:30 in the morning?"
Guess I'm going by myself. :P Jajaja. We all need a social life.
Yesterday, hung out with Jose again, but it was a really busy day. You know: those days where you are running around because you have something to turn in (that is due in the next hour), or talk to team members, go to offices, eat a late lunch really quickly, figuring out when to hang out with other people, etc.. Feeling accomplished but exhausted at the same time. And was still able to get back home and eat piñas and work-out.

    I like staying busy. Whether it's doing work that I like to do or being with people that add happiness to my life. Or having those relaxing days. Either way,  its nice. :)


    There is no way I'm boring!! I'm the best fucking person that can challenge you and show you something different from what you already know. If you can't see that, the problem is with you. Boy please! To say that I'M boring?! That tells me you didn't take the time to know me. :P And guess what? You lost your chance.

08 4月 2013

5000 Questions Part 13

1201. Have you ever owned a record?

1202. In some states people want to make it a requirement that creationism (god made the world) be taught alongside evolution in high school sciences classes. What do you think of this?

learning about a religious view is a waste of my time... those people just want to try really hard to make everyone christian, but guess what? not gonna happen. they should stick to their bible studies in church and talk to those people, rather than trying to brainwash kids. on the other hand, if people want to make 'creationism' a requirement, they should also make hinduism, muslim, daoism, buddhism, judaism, etc and their views a requirement. so in that sense it would be a religious class and not science, since we already know these topics don't fall under the science category. there really is no argument here.

1203. Should evolution also be taught in religious establishments like church or temple?
if they wanted to.

1204. Can a person believe in creationism and in evolution at the same time?
i'm not sure how that would work.....

1205. You obviously like surveys since you are filling out a 5,000 question one. Do any of the following surveys sound interesting:
The Doors/Jim Morrison Survey: no
The David Bowie Survey: no
The Beatles Survey: no
The Rocky Horror Survey: no
The Labyrinth Survey: no
The SLC Punk Survey: no
The birthday survey: yes
So this is love, the survey: yes
The heartache/break up survey: yes
Creationism vs. Evolutionism Survey: no
Opinion Survey: yes
World Trade Center Survey: no
Halloween Survey: no
Survey of Sin: yes?no?
How evil are you? Survey: yes
The Roaring 20's Survey: no

1206. Who did you get this survey from?
Say one nice thing about the person you got this survey from:
i just found it in another girl's DA journal and decided to do it myself..

1207. Here is a list of priorities...
Close friends
Being true to yourself/self respect
Aesthetics (beauty in the world)
Leading an exciting life
Making a contribution to humanity
Being rich
Being famous
Having power
World peace
Accepting and understanding others
Finding yourself
What are your top 4 priorities from this list?
happiness, wisdom, love/sex, family

1208. Out of that same list what are your BOTTOM 3 priorities?
having power, patriotism, aesthetics

1209. How many hours of TV do you watch in an average day?
3-4? probably less than that.

1210. Do you want to have a car, a house and 2.5 kids?
i want a house, and i want my mini european style car. i've never thought about having kids. hasn't crossed my mind so i can't say.

1211. What song, CD, or band is a 'guilty pleasure' for you (meaning you know it sucks but you like it anyway)?
i dont listen to songs that suck. i listen to it because i like it not because of what someone else thinks.

1212. If you were going to vote for a candidate for president and then you found out that the person you were going to vote for is HIV positive would that effect your vote and why?
no, it wouldn't affect my vote. presidents in US don't last that long anyway, and their power on policy implementation is like 5%....

1213. Have you ever had an HIV test?

1214. What time do you:
Get up in the morning: 7:30ish
Eat lunch: around 12 or 13
Do something active during the day: anytime
Go to bed: 23/24. sometimes 22

1215. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle?
yes ^^ i love it

1216. When you hear the word ‘biker’ what kind of person do you think of?

1217. Did your parents ever talk to you about sex?

1218. If your pet dies, you can now have it cloned for $50,000. How do you feel about this?
i know how cloning works (to the detail cuz im a genetics nerd :P), so i wouldn't want to clone my dog.

1219. Are you or would you be embarrassed about buying condoms?
no. i'm being safe. but probably the guy should do that since he's the one wearing it anyways.

1220. Do any of your clocks make an odd noise or play a song when the hour strikes?

1221. What are the things that make you go 'Hmmmm....' (remember that song?)?
i cant think of any at the moment...

1222. Are you a sinner?

1223. Are you naughty or nice?
i'm both

1224. Is belly-dancing sexy?
depends who is the dancer...

1225. What celebrity would you love to be able to dance with?
johny deep

1226. What is your favorite comic book movie?
marmalade boy

1227. What movie would you recomend for couples to watch on Valentine's day?
couples retreat. its actually a really funny movie. i would watch it anytime of the year. it's one of those movies i don't mind watching a bunch of times.

1228. Besides when you were little how many people have seen you completely naked and who?
um....3 people. they were my ex's.

1229. Is sex something that should be treated casually?
not for me.

1230. Have you ever participate in an orgy?
If no, would you ever consider it?
i'm not sure what that is...

1231. What song is in your head right now?
talking to the moon : bruno mars

1232. What was the best day of your life like?
amazing! i came back to my brothers loft feeling like.....there was nothing else i would rather do.

1233. What are you all about?
i dont know? i am me.

1234. You have won a contest where you get all these great prizes but you can only keep one for yourself and must give the others away to friends, family or whoever. Which one do you keep and who do you give the rest to:
A $5,000 gift certificate to radio shack:
A brand new yellow jeep: joaquinito
An all expense paid vacation for 2 to Italy: for myself and my plus 1
Lunch with N'Sync: yvonne
A lifetime supply of herbal essences shampoo: grama
A $1,000 check:
A palm pilot?
An autographed picture of Shakira:
Breakfast with kid rock:
A shirt once worn by Jonathan Davis:
One round of mini-golf with Sharon Osbourne:
A phone call from Robert Smith:
A brand new washer/dryer: grama
Free medical insurance for 1 year: mom and me :P

1235. Who do you think you might have known in a past life?
anyone really

1236. Do you take vitamins?

1237. Do you prefer fake or real flowers around the house?
fake. sometimes real if someone gives them to me. i'm allergic to pollen so i prefer not to have real ones...plus i'm bad at taking care of flowers....

1238. Sometimes roses are pink, yellow, white or red. If you give someone a rose, does its color change the meaning behind it as a gift?
of course. yellow is friendship, that i know. i see pink or red as passion or love or affection, but the ones i really like the most are white. not necesarily roses, but just white flowers in general. my fave flower i would say is a white hibiscus (that tropical one that you see typical american tourist wearing on their shirts pattern).

1239. What's the most deadly thing you can think of?
a shark.

1240. To-MAY-toes or to-MA-toes?

1242. What's the best live musical performance you ever saw?
utada hikaru

1243. Have you ever had a 'pregnancy scare'?

1245. Can you change a tire?
i wish i could

1246. Have you ever put your fist through a wall?

1247. When do you feel the most relaxed and able to be yourself?
with someone like a friend or a person i feel comfortable with, or really....any other time. there is not much restriction on that.

1248. Do you have a place that is your own where you won't show anyone else?

1249. Are you a part of any teams or clubs?

1250. Is cheerleading a sport?

1251. Do you believe that people should be able to choose death for themselves if they want to end their lives?
yea sure.

1252. Is there anything you morally object to?

i can have my own moral views, but i don't impose them on other people. if it was someone i care about then yes, there would be some things i would try to get them to atleast consider but its their choice in the end.

1253. What would you never do for money?
kill myself

1254. Applebees, the Outback, or TGI Friday's?

1255. Which do you drink the most: juice, soda, milk, or water?

1256. What sport do you like to watch the most?

1257. What sport do you like to play the most?

1256. Do you write poetry?
no. i used to when i was younger, and won an award but after that no.

1257. Are you aggressive?
in some ways yes. :P when it matters

1258. Have you ever fallen from grace?
no? what?

1259. Does it bother you when a band you like gets really popular?

1260. Has anyone ever won you a stuffed animal?
If yes, did you name it after the person who won it for you?
someone gave me one...does that count?

1261. Can you go one week without cursing at all?
no way

1262. What's the best candy?
white chocolate covered raisins

1263. Can you lick your own nose?
a little bit

1264. What song would you like to hear spontaneously in a public place (like a store)?
anything really. i dont really mind.

1265. Do you ever make others feel unwanted?

1266. Do you think you have ever made others feel unwanted without realizing you were doing it?
not that i know of...

1267. Are you very sensitive to what other people are feeling and how they will react to certain things?
im not sensitive. for example, if i know there is a person that doesnt like to talk about certain things, then i wont bring up the subject. atleast not around them. im just respecting their point of view.

1268. Have you ever climbed a tree?
yes!!! many times

1269. Do you feel somehow different when the moon is full?
no. thats a myth

1270. Who do you know that talks a lot but never really says anything?

1271. Is world peace possible?
no. to know what peace is you also know what war is. you can't live without one.

1272. Who do you know that is making a huge life mistake yet you can't stop them?
What’s the mistake?
they had a kid and got married too early

1273. Do you plan to own a home or rent an apartment for most of your life?

1274. Would you enjoy going to a strip bar to see strippers (of whatever sex you find appealing)?
if i was with friends and if they wanted to do it, sure. but i wouldn't go on my own...

1275. Would you ever consider stripping in a sexual way for money?
no. my body is amazing and only a few people get to see it :P

1276. Would you ever consider being a nude model for an artistic life drawing class for money?
no. i've already been on the other side of that (the student drawing), and i needed a break from it.

1277. What are 2 goals that you have?
be happy, find someone that adds happiness to my life

1278. What are 2 negative traits that you have?
i am persistant in what i want, i'm clumsy, sometimes i forget things (even huge things), physically i'm really weak...etc etc etc

1279. Will these negative traits stop you from achieving your goals?

1280. Everyone knows that you are nice, fun, creative, and good but
what are 4 other positive traits that you have?
i am a very trustworthy person and keep people's secrets, but if you do something to break that trust, its hard for me to trust you again in the same way...if you like to talk a lot and just tell me your worries, thoughts, etc, i'll listen to you....i can adapt easily....i cant think on anything else at the moment

1281. How often do you daydream about your wedding day?
like...never XD

1282. If you were hiring someone for a job but could only ask him or her 3 questions in the interview what would you ask?
have you ever been a convicted felon? what was your previous work experience? do you like working in groups?

1283. If you were interviewing someone for the position of your new friend but could only ask 3 questions, what would they be?
are you open minded and can respect different ideologies/thoughts/etc? how active are you? what countries have you lived and/or traveled to?

1286. When was your first kiss and what was it like?
it was in my garage with a guy that kept on persisting to go out with me. i said yes because he wouldn't stop asking me. at some point i did grew fond of him but then i found out that he smokes... yeaaa....it was a horrible first kiss...

1287. Are you quiet and shy?
in ways yes

1288. Are you bitchy, cranky, whiny, miserable, depressed, needy, mean, flakey, shallow, obnoxious, inconsiderate, nervous, and/or stuck up?
i can be

1289. Do you come off any of these ways even if you aren't really like that?
i think you would have to ask someone else that, because what i am thinking is different from how someone else perceives me...

1290. Are you loud and unfriendly?

1291. Can a positive attitude/good personality make up for someone being less than beautiful?

1292. Can being totally beautiful and hot make up for a negative attitude/bad personality?

1293.What are you seeking?
adding more happiness to my life

1294. Could you see yourself as a future nun/monk?

1295. Would you rather have a baby or get a pet?

1296. What mistake do you repeat over and over?
i dont know...forgeting things?

1297. What do you think of the restaurant Hooters?
i've never been. plus i heard their food is teribble

1298. What are 5 traits that make someone ugly?
bitchy attitude, stuck-up, conceited, ignorant (because they choose to be), pessimistic ALL the time

1299. Do you hate when people tell you to smile?


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