(Real day of post: 26日4月2013年, a las 12:33)
I didn't sleep well and i didn't wake up well either today.
I know I am grouchy when I wake up: but that only happens when I wake up to noise that is annoying or to people i find annoying for the time being because they don't bother understanding my feelings. That's why when i stayed with Joaquinito, i noticed he tried very hard to not disturb my sleep in the morning while he did things around the loft. There were times when i still heard him but i wasn't grumpy nor mad; i was happy. He asked me once if he did a good job. I told him that i could still hear him sometimes but i'm waking up so that's natural and it made me happy that i was in his thoughts and cared for me. So even during those times that i did hear him because he was closing the door, i didn't mind.
I told him that ma doesn't cares or doesn't notice what she does in the morning, hence i naturally want to direct my hate towards her. When you are living with someone, it's those little things that annoy you.
I have learned that when i wake up grumpy its best for everyone if i just don't talk. . .
Of course there were things that probably annoyed Joaquinito (when i was using the fork to pick up the hummus, or that one time when i walked on the sofa because i was getting my plug), but i did my best to not annoy him.
For a while i have been able to decrease that anger i have held for a while and not have EVERYDAY waking up grumpy. But this morning it was a little sad and a little angry. Still i do my morning routine, i enjoy walking under the nice weather, i watch an episode of masterpiece classics, i cuddle-up with muchi cuz she's ñoñis, but the feelings persist and i'm struggling inside. You know that feeling when it's so beautiful that it's sad? Aware is what it's called.
Sometimes i had thought that people who are really bad at hiding their feelings were weak and made them vulnerable to someone else's mall intentions.
I envy them. I am really good at hiding my feelings. At least that is what i thought. . .
Only one person so far has been able to read me so easily and that took me by surprise because we aren't even that close! For the first time i truly did not know what to say. That person had read even my facial expressions or when i had the lack of, how i walk, and the way i stay quiet when i don't agree with something the person has just said. I didn't even notice i had made a pattern of these things.
This morning it was not aware but it became aware. I had aware for my life. I had aware for the weather today. I had aware for the mennonite women who were watching the boat turning. I had aware when i was reading A Tale For The Time Being by Ruth Ozeki in the train.
Today is aware.
I didn't sleep well and i didn't wake up well either today.
I know I am grouchy when I wake up: but that only happens when I wake up to noise that is annoying or to people i find annoying for the time being because they don't bother understanding my feelings. That's why when i stayed with Joaquinito, i noticed he tried very hard to not disturb my sleep in the morning while he did things around the loft. There were times when i still heard him but i wasn't grumpy nor mad; i was happy. He asked me once if he did a good job. I told him that i could still hear him sometimes but i'm waking up so that's natural and it made me happy that i was in his thoughts and cared for me. So even during those times that i did hear him because he was closing the door, i didn't mind.
I told him that ma doesn't cares or doesn't notice what she does in the morning, hence i naturally want to direct my hate towards her. When you are living with someone, it's those little things that annoy you.
I have learned that when i wake up grumpy its best for everyone if i just don't talk. . .
Of course there were things that probably annoyed Joaquinito (when i was using the fork to pick up the hummus, or that one time when i walked on the sofa because i was getting my plug), but i did my best to not annoy him.
For a while i have been able to decrease that anger i have held for a while and not have EVERYDAY waking up grumpy. But this morning it was a little sad and a little angry. Still i do my morning routine, i enjoy walking under the nice weather, i watch an episode of masterpiece classics, i cuddle-up with muchi cuz she's ñoñis, but the feelings persist and i'm struggling inside. You know that feeling when it's so beautiful that it's sad? Aware is what it's called.
Sometimes i had thought that people who are really bad at hiding their feelings were weak and made them vulnerable to someone else's mall intentions.
I envy them. I am really good at hiding my feelings. At least that is what i thought. . .
Only one person so far has been able to read me so easily and that took me by surprise because we aren't even that close! For the first time i truly did not know what to say. That person had read even my facial expressions or when i had the lack of, how i walk, and the way i stay quiet when i don't agree with something the person has just said. I didn't even notice i had made a pattern of these things.
This morning it was not aware but it became aware. I had aware for my life. I had aware for the weather today. I had aware for the mennonite women who were watching the boat turning. I had aware when i was reading A Tale For The Time Being by Ruth Ozeki in the train.
Today is aware.
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