30 3月 2013

Tenho saudade tuas

    This past week, I spent time in florida for spring break. Stayed at my brothers loft, met some new people, tried different drinks (don't really like pino Grigio....not that it's strong but the taste is bitter), and got tanned and burned. I noticed the little things that are completely different from midwest (mannequins with balloon boobs, the gratuity added to a check, the many people running/cycling/jogging outside, mostly spanish (LOVED that part), the beach/weather (reminds me of home), people are nicer on the street (vs here in naperville and chicago its completely normal to ignore someone), etc...

    I came there with no expectations nor plans on what to do; just to relax and enjoy my time, and I came back feeling amazing and alive again! It's more than just your vagina tingling XD, it's more than just that night out with your friends where you forget all the things that stress you out and big decisions you eventually need to make. I
think because I was in a bubble in Depaul for a while, a place that doesn't give me much ideas or challenges, that I had lost that feeling to really be excited and sad. So once I became surrounded by people who I love and care for, and meet new people who showed kindness to a complete stranger, it moved me. Depaul has taught me to fend for myself and made me realize that I was too nice to everyone. This Florida vacation taught me that from being hurt, I had closed myself even more because I was afraid of being hurt again. Closed in the sense of showing my feelings. I have always had a difficult time expressing myself when it comes to important things close to ones heart, but I had made it so that there was nothing great or amazing to look forward to. Hence why I had no plans when I came to Miami.

    I took part of a day (22 March 2013) to myself, while Joaquinito was at the meeting for the runners. This is the day before the race. I went to the beach, took my sandals off. I was wearing my dark blue flower skirt, my backwards pink shirt (from F21), the white dressy sandals, and a black vest. I walked along the water line, so I only touched the water with my feet and some of my ankle. But I walked a really long time and so far I didn't really know how far I had gone. I picked up seashells and wasn't really thinking about anything in particular; just how nice the weather was and how I would LOVE to live here. After some time, Joaquinito called and said to start heading back since we were going to meet with one of his friends. I said ok. Why not? I have nothing to do, and I like meeting new people.
So I try walking back at a faster pace so that I don't keep him waiting too long, and the friend is also not waiting long. By the time I had come back, part of my skirt was already wet from the ocean water and I had sand all over my feet and legs, so I went to the pool and used their shower outside to wipe it off. On the car ride to meet the friend, my legs were freezing and my skirt didn't get dry...at all...

   We come up to this friends' house, right before Joaquinito rings the doorbell I get a text from a friend but dismiss is quickly, and Ea opens the door. Joaquinito says hi and then I. We walk in and I also meet her brother E. Like always, >__> I'm shy so I literally have nothing to talk about...My mind is blank. Even on the way to the restaurant, I can't think of anything to say. -__- We go to this mix asian food place and order a bunch of rolls. I spotted the eel and just went for it. XD We start talking a bit, and I start to open up. Then it felt weird for all of us to talk to each other so I start talking with E, and before you know it Joaquinito and Ea are talking to each other while E and me are talking. (In the picture is the wine that we had. I actually liked it.) The fun part starts when we left and went to Tap42, to try out some beer. Me and Joaquinito are not beer people but we both know there were some here and there that we actually came to like. (For me its Redds' Apple Ale.) I liked it because I had more time to talk to E without Joaquinito over my shoulder. (He's a good brother but sometimes is a little overprotective.) We talked a lot actually and I had 2 beers (the 2nd one was 2.5% alcohol, but I was already feeling the headache from the previous wine and beer, so I took my time because I didn't want to walk over to Joaquinito and Ea and not be able to keep myself up.) I felt really comfortable talking to him, as if he was my best friend and were catching up. And this surprised me because I'm usually not like that with people that I'm attracted to; more like the total opposite. Don't worry, I wasn't drunk. :P I've been drunk, and that wasn't drunk. But after that, the day ended and never saw each other again.
    Nah! :P I still remember how we took bathroom breaks, and were standing the whole time we were there, and how at some point I felt he kept getting closer and closer and closer, and I didn't mind. After that day, I was helping Joaquinito at his station (for the marathon), E came over to help which came in handy many times.
    We couldn't always carry a conversation because runners were coming and knowing how much they were running, I wanted them to feel special and not like they had to ask me to write their time down. They were exhausted. The last thing they need is to deal with people that don't care or give a shit.

    After we were done there, we drove to the finish line. Joaquinito suggested for me to join E in his car, and I hesitated so I waited for the next red light to come. I liked this person so I just went for it. I didn't want to ask myself the awful "what if.." question. We came to the finish line, left Joaquinito to talk with his friends, went on a short walk on the beach, talked some more, came back and decided to hang out with his friends. (I didn't want to be bored with more of Joaquinitos' friends. jajaja xD i wanted to hang out with people more around my age. Plus he invited me so...) Oh, before the walk, I changed from my green tights to shorts. It was getting hot.
    He drove me back to Joaquinitos' loft, and there I decided to take a quick shower and put a cute dress on. It's better to overdress than underdress right? I learned quickly from the other night with his friend I that I should basically dress for everything. Plus the dresses I brought with me were still considered casual. Anyway, then he took me back to his place (cuz it was his turn to take a shower, and we were to meet his friends there). When I saw the place I thought, "shit. it's like other people are taking my ideas of living. xD". We meet with his friends, went out to eat (twice because the 1st time E forgot the paper where the discount was), and came back to his place. I felt like the night was too short! XD He suggested to walk outside or watch a movie and clearly said that it was my decision. I chose the movie because after drinking that strawberry mojito, I already had a headache and the sandals that I had aren't the walking type...
    Turns out it was a good idea since I got to chance to realize that he reeeeeeeeeally liked me. xD But in my head I kept thinking that I liked him and I didn't want to ruin anything. I'm not that 1night stand simply because I'm not that type. I don't deserve, I expect to get respect for my decisions and that's that. I am a 1 man woman and I can't change that. I kept thinking "i'm leaving on friday, don't fuck it up and remember what Patty said. i'm leaving on friday, don't fuck it up and remember what Patty said. i'm leaving on friday, don't fuck it up and remember what Patty said. I'M LEAVING ON FRIDAY don't fuck it up, and REMEMBER WHAT PATTY SAID".
    Anyway, that's how we met. ^^ We hung out more during that week. There was one day (literally the whole day) that we spent together,and also before I left. It's only sunday today (2nd day after i left), and we still talk. I hope that it stays that way. Certainly I wouldn't want to loose contact with a great person that I care about....nobody would like that to happen.... I have initiated the conversations lately.....but i hope that is both ways...

    Tomorrow it's my 1st day of school of the 3rd quarter. It's going to be so boring since the 1st day in this school, they baby you and I hate that. So I've asked a friend to see if he can hang out during my break. If not, I'll just go to Cafecito to eat and wait for my night class to start. (I LOVE LOVE LOVE their hot coco!) I know in my mind I would love to get a message like, "how are you doing? i miss you. text me back ASAP", but it's best to not have those type of expectations.
    This are the classes I'm taking this quarter:

Japanese 203 (Mon.Wed. 1-23pm, Fri 1-2pm),
Intro to Screenwriting 201 (Mon. Wed. 240-410pm),
Senior MOL class (Mon. 6-915pm),
Political Science 359 (Wed. 6-915pm).

Finishing up all the senior stuff, so that next year is just focusing on the animation minor and japanese language classes, looking at grad school, etc... Yea this post is long enough....

13 3月 2013

5000 Questions Part 12

UPDATE: I have deleted some questions...they were stupid.

1102. You wrote one question that can be answered with a color (example: what color is my car). I say....
Is it true? no. i used to have a white car but then i got into an accident, so no more white car.

1105. Do you think that Britney Spears would make a good Bond Girl?
um no...

1106. Have you read anything by C.S. Lewis?
nope ^^

1107. What is your favorite movie with Bill Murray?
i dont know who that is

1108. What is your favorite movie with Jack Nicholson?
who is that

1109. What is your favorite movie with Christopher Walkin?
who is that?

1110. What is your favorite movie with Johnny Depp?
pretty much all of them. although rango is my least favorite. i just like johny deep because he and tim burton tend to work with each other on alot of things that pursue my interest.

1111. What is your favorite movie with Orlando Bloom?

1112. What rhymes with 'orange'?

1113. Why do guys have nipples if they will never need to feed a baby?
because when humans are created in the womb, we all start as girls. that's why doctors say "it's too early to tell", because the hormones that develop vaginas and penises haven't fully developed. :P yup. i'm smart. look it up if you want to because i know i'm right.

1114. Some people think that couples should be screened before they are allowed to reproduce (so that people who cannot afford to support a child don’t have one, or so that a child won’t be born into a dysfunction family or to unfit parents). What do you think about this?
that is a bunch of bullshit.

1115. Have you ever swallowed an object by accident?

1116. Did you get it back?
get what back?

1117. Do you prefer He-Man or She-Ra?
what is that?

1118. Are you proud of yourself?
in some ways yes

1119. Who should go to hell?
hell doesn't exist

1120. Is your eyesight 20/20?

1121. Have you ever had insomnia?

1122. Does it bother you when people touch you?
no. i just stay away from the creepy people

1123. Is it better to get too much or too little sleep?
too much

1124. Have you ever given away something you made? What?
mostly art projects as presents. once i made a paper model of a black piano, other times i've made drawings on invitation cards and so on..

1125. Is it better to have kids when you are in your teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, or older?
i would say late 20's . and if you haven't gotten pregnant or don't already have a kid by the time you are 36, you might as well adopt. vaginas and uterus and semen have a time limit, if you wait too late then complications arise that you could have avoided if you had the child earlier, like neuroillnesses and etc... its just the way human bodies work.

1126. What gets your adrenaline pumping?
drawing, exercising and going to amusement parks

1127. Is hell all fire and brimstone or is it personal for everyone like in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey?
Or does it not exist?
there is no hell

1128. Do you ever talk about yourself in the third person?
yes its fun

1129. What's your favorite radio station? What kind of music do they play?
POP ASIA (iphone)

1131. Is everyone special?

1133. Do you believe there is any place still undiscovered in all the world?
its not that it is undiscovered.
think about it this way, the planet already knows its there. the planet has no secrets and it isn't hiding anything. so can we call something undiscovered simply because we don't know about it? i think no. i can say i discovered the word "culio" today, but someone else in the next week or 10 years can also say they discovered the word ''culio''.

1134. Whose picture would you like to paint a target on and throw darts at?
um...the perfect candidate for the american 'me' generation

1135. Is love all you need?
no. you need food, water, and shelter, and clothes.

1136. Ever caught a fish?
1137. Are you adventurous?
1138. Are you afraid of mediocrity?
1139. Would you rather die tomorrow or have all your friends die?
have all my friends die

1140. What are 3 things you don't understand?
1 americans
2 american slangs
3 patriarchy

1141. I would do anything for love but I won't do 'that'. What is 'that'?
a LOT of things :P i don't need to love someone to do something. i will do whatever it is that i am thinking about because it's the good thing to do.

1142. Has your diary ever been rated?

1143. Do you do more than kiss on the first date?
no. i dont kiss on the first date.

1144. Are you very liberal or conservative?
it depends on what you are talking about

1145. What do you like about your neighbors?
they don't disturb, aren't loud/annoying, respect privacy, take responsibility over their mess outside and their dogs shit

1146. I read that by 2010 they expect to market a gene therapy procedure that will increase the life spans of
adult human beings by double or triple. If this happened would you have it done?
honestly i'm not sure. under certain circumstances yes.

1147. If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. Did you clap?
no because i was reading this question

1148. Was this year a good year for you?
it just started so yes :D

1149. What are you looking forward to next year?
getting the hell out of depaul

1150. Are you a Jim Henson fan?
don't know who that is.

1151. What do you think of these diarist names?
ToxicToast: weird
Solitary Music: very pessimistic
gemini_wish_star: boring
juneberry: boring

1152. Do you read the Diary Master’s diary?
1153. Have you ever made an enemy on OD?
what's OD?

1155. Were you ever in the first row of a concert?

1156. Did you ever meet a celebrity? Who?
no TT_TT

1157. Do you have any autographs?
mickey mouse

1158. Can you visualize whirled peas?

1159. Are there some situations where love just isn't enough to keep 2 people together? When does that happen?
when you have tons of debt, penis is too small

1160. Do you have no attention span?
1161. What do you think of these entry titles?
me. back. home: boring
steak and butter: boring
The Smurfs Go Communist: interesting
The controversial Athens: interesting

1162. Have you ever been wrongly accused?

1163. When you wash your hair do you blow dry it or let it dry naturally?
natural dry. its better. if i blow dry it becomes puffy.

1164. Where does your family go on vacation?
anywhere we want

1165. Have you ever been to:
Newport, Rhode Island? no
Dutch Wonderland? no
Salem, MA? no
Niagara Falls? no

1168. What do you think of these entry names?
DEAR SOUL FRIEND 57 Loss: pessimistic
I had a good title but i forgot it: boring
Left Alone: pessimistic and boring
yeah yeah...he kissed her: boring

1169. If you have aol what is your 'you've got mail' sound?
no one uses that anymore...

1170. What will you never have enough of?

1171. Who can you only handle in small doses?
my grandmother

1172. You are at a magic auction where you can bid on impossible things but you only brought enough money to buy one thing. Out of these..which would you buy?
entrance into whatever afterlife you believe in
a guarentee that you will have at least 3 books published in your life
a new car, house and boat each year
unending creative inspiration
ultimate compassion and acceptance of others
a trip into outer space
perfect health for the rest of your life

perfect health: this is the one i would choose. the book one was also interesting, as well as the unending creative inspiration

1173. In the above question if finding perfect love was a choice would you change your answer?
i would still choose perfect health as the first one

1174. What food is so fattening or unhealthy that you would NEVER touch it?
peanut butter, lard, high fructose corn syrup, marshmallows, gravy

1175. Which do you love more, your country or your planet?

1177. Are you more logical or emotional?
logical i guess

1178. Do you think that tattoos and piercing are overrated?
no not really

1179. What do you think of these diary titles?
The Seamless Garment: boring
Your eyes can be so cruel: boring/pesimistic
What was, is no more: really pessimistic
shock me sane: boring

1180. Do you believe that Michael Jackson molests children?
im' not sure because he just payed someone to shut up. to me that doesn't look good but it still doesn't get to the answer if he actually did.

1181. Hypothetically, let’s say that he did molest them. Who would you feel should be held MORE accountable, Michael Jackson or the parents that allowed their children to go to Never Land Ranch unsupervised for sleepovers?
both are equally accountable

1182. Have you ever been to:
Paris?no but i really really really want to go
Anywhere cooler?yes

1183. What 3 music videos should everyone download?

1184. If someone bet you ten dollars that you couldn’t sing the whole Gummy Bears theme song, would you be able to do it and win?
yes because its only 10 dollars

1190. Do you believe that imps, trolls, giants, dragons, unicorns, etc. were real but became extinct?

1191. What sucks?
that slut in my class XD

1192. What do you think of these diary titles?
Geologist to the Stars: boring
The Hussy Chronicles: boring
Gravy: really boring
Napping in the Broom Closet: wtf?

1193. Do you ever think about suicide?
i used to

1194. Do you believe that Jesus Christ was a real person? How about Noah?
i think jesus was an ordinary guy that liked to get into people's business and noah? imaginary i think.

1195. What is one luxury you refuse to live without?

1196. What is one luxury you feel you could live without?
material things that i dont or rarely use

1197. Do you feel that you are high, medium, or low maintenance in a relationship?
depends on what you are talking about

1198. What do you think of these diarist names?
N.Y.S: interesting
Collapsibleman: no way.
*})|({*: no
black dove: no

1199. Do vegetables taste better from the store or from your garden?

1200. How long have you spent on this survey so far?
actually i dont know ... >_<


On Tuesday (yesterday) i had written this post on my deviantart account. Basically i rant about my feelings. :P
Here it is:

1) journal views
i just realized that i have more journal views than actual art views?
that doesn't make sense.
is what i write more interesting than what I draw?
i mean do i really do that much of a shitty job in my drawings?
or are people just lazy to click the "view gallery" link?
so just wanted to point that out.

i mean i realize that i don't have many views for my deviations,
but i also think i don't completely submit shit in DA....

2) criticism
today in animation class, we pitched our beat boards. of course it's
affected me. i would be lying if i had said some shit like, "you're
annoying as hell, but i dont let your words get to me".
what is important is: i was told that my characters looked too similar,
and that the only things that set them apart was their hair and the
fact that the UK guy has a mustache. but i'm like, "um....they
have totally different clothes on....". but i didn't say this.
second, for one girl the intro was confusing because i just didn't bother
explaining it that much. she asked, "what's the reason?". I say, "he
wants to make money". she says, "i just don't get why he wants
to make money". and again i'm thinking, "well during the 1600's,
europe wanted to expand their economic power and other silly things",
but i didn't want to sound mean...
and third, what had annoyed me the most, is that the girl i just
utterly just...don't like, says things like (again) the characters look
too similar, and asks if i'm a fan of hetalia (totally useless question),
because it looked like i just copied from it. (seriously? that means
that you totally weren't paying attention to what i was saying since
all you do is talk about yourself and ignore everyone else by gluing your
eyes to your shitty laptop, or it means that you haven't seen much of
hetalia and you're just basing your opinion based on like part of the first
trust me there are a lot of things that i thought after she said that,
but she just isn't worth it.     .....bitch.

but what i liked most is that the teacher noticed the good things about it,
and the way he put what i had to work on was more of constructive criticism.
everyone else in that class, its just so easy to criticize something but when
it comes to suggestions they have nothing to say.

don't worry bitches. i have an opinion. i may not always say it because
it's not appropriate for the time, and i'd rather just ignore the person.

graaaaaaa. this gets me so pissed off.

3) deleted contact
some people may get mad at me for what i am saying now, but take this
into consideration before your brain starts working with no background info
on the situation.
*cough* *cough* person B is all nice to me and shit, and i figured i could be
friends with person B so i ask for their phone number. (its easier to keep in
contact that way). this B person is like your typical 'me' generation of americans
who has a passive aggressive nature, and thinks they already know everything,
and talk about themselves alot. anyway, we start talking for a bit,
and recently person B has texted me a couple times (i respond), but just
leaves you hanging. yknow? like person B will give me a text, i text back
almost immediately, and then i'm left waiting for a response for about 20-30
minutes. not cool.

when someone texts me i figured is because they just want to say something
quick and get it over with. with this person its like a boring conversation
that just drags on for hours. and that pisses me off. if they just want to text
because they want to kill time/are bored/or just want to talk them TELL ME!!
i will understand. but to expect me to just talk to you for no good reason
over fucking long txt messages is not my thing.
this person B, i also figured out, is a bit emotional. (actually they remind me
of my ex.) and they're that type of person that "you say something but
it means something else". i totally hate that. when i say, "i like pizza"
i mean "I LIKE PIZZA". it has no hidden message or any of that bullshit.

so a few hours ago, i decided, because this person just pisses me off, and
is that sort of type, that person B can't be a friend. maybe as an acquaintance,
but nothing more. so i deleted person B from my contacts on my phone.
and said the hell with it. i don't need that negative energy around me.
i don't need that person who loves to complain about everything.
i don't need that person who doesn't answer my questions directly nor
is direct when talking.
i dont need that passive aggressive personality around me.
so the hell with it. if they don't like it, it's not my problem.

finding good friends is like finding a good pair of shoes. I like looking
for shoes because they don't talk back to me and i don't feel pissed
off if they don't fit. so i easily discard it, or try to find if they have the
same shoe/ different size but in another store (if i really like it).
i have big feet, and i have accepted that US shoe
industry doesn't make pretty shoes for my size foot, but people are full
of emotional baggage and i shouldn't be wasting my time to see if they
are friend-compatible.
the hell with that.

so i don't feel bad that i deleted person B from my phone. I feel bad
because i feel like i put in effort/time for a person i want to know and end
up figuring out that it just wont work. i feel pissed off because there
are so many bullshitters in my school, and its hard to find that one
nice person. i'm mad because so many people in my life have let me down,
and that makes me think that i can only depend on myself.


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