21 4月 2013

How To Text

(Real day of post: 21日4月2013年, a las 12:39:02)

    I was just reading this quick chapter on texting, in the book 'Get The Guy' by Matthew Hussey, and I was all:

    Before this I have only read the introduction so far, but I just really wanted to jump into a section that interested me the most, so that when I get back to it I would have read it 2 times now. Anyway, what I like about this book is that he also gives you a little video for every chapter to explain even more what he is talking about (regarding that chapter), and gives also a written version underneath the video. So I decided to post what he wrote at the bottom of the video for texting. If this is the type of topic that interests you, buy the book. :DDD

"I want to talk about a seemingly innocent text message that a guy might send that can often cause women to slip up. I'm going to give you a good answer for when it crops up, and a bad answer so you know what to avoid at all costs. Let me paint the picture for you... It's mid-week, there's a guy you kind of like, and he sends you a message that says, "Are you around this weekend?"
I know the thought process that you go through here... 
Firstly there's an element of excitement - the guy you kind of like just sent you a message, and he's asking if you're available! However, as well as the excitement, there's a part of you that finds this message really annoying!
Why? Because this message is noncommittal on his part. It's his way of saying, 'I haven't decided if I'm going to do something with you yet this weekend, but I want to assess the situation.'
In this moment he's putting the onus on you to figure things out.
 Firstly here's what to avoid. This is a seemingly innocent response, but one that comes from an insecure place that would kill a guy's attraction for you...  
 "Yea definitely, what are you up to?"
This reply, "yea definitely", shows that you really want to see him, and that you're willing to make your time free for him. Saying "what are you up to?" is showing a desire to further the conversation, but not really taking it anywhere. It seems innocent enough I know, but both of these elements come from an insecure place.
Instead I want to offer a suggestion that will allow you to remain in power, and come across as someone who is in control of the situation (as well as putting the ball back in his court to lead)...
 "Could be, what are you thinking?"
"Could be" is the part that of this message gives some hope - and that's important. It's the part that shows him that he can earn your approval where you might make yourself available. This is going to sound tenuous and small, but even adding an 'I' to begin the sentence detracts from the casual feel given to it.
Remember, you want the onus to be on him. It's up to him to do the work and you're just responding. "What are you thinking?" puts him on the back foot to come up with something, and has far greater impact than 'what are you up to?'.
In saying this, he now has to come up with a good idea.
He has to come up with something that you could do together, he has to lead, make decisions, and prove himself as a man in this moment. (Llesi's comment: In this way you are making him feel like a man.)
This is exactly where you want him to be, and this is exactly what a high-value woman would do to a guy. Expect him to step up and be a man, and don't do the work for him. (Llesi's comment: I have had experiences with this, especially with my ex, and as a lady/woman you do NOT want to do all the work. Sure you may be thinking that you want to be helpful, but then he may expect that from now on. He will be less likely to take the initiative and assume that you like 'having the ball on your court'. So hit that ball right back to him, so that he now has to prove himself as a man to you.)
This isn't playing hard to get, but allowing him to play his role!
Resist the temptation to get too excited, and stay in your own power. " 
    At first, I was asking myself the same questions that he had pointed out at the beginning of this chapter, and once he mentioned those 'let's catch up' text messages and what he said about it, it stunned me for a bit! Of course there were some points that I have already naturally done.

    For example, the 'could be, what are you thinking?' text, I have already learned to do myself. Maybe not in those exact words, but because from my previous experiences, I don't want to do all the work! If he wants to spend time with me, then man up and come up with something.

    Another example: a week ago Kevin texted me if I wanted to hang out on friday. I said, "what did you have in mind?". I know very well what I would like to do and where to go and have plenty of suggestions, but that was not my role in that situation. He is also younger and shy (at least around me), so I gave him the chance to man up and actually say something. He said, "we could walk around the city...?". After that I didn't reply because it sounded like he had no clue as to what to do. He couldn't make up his mind. (Btw, I didn't and don't like this guy so it really didn't matter to me whether we would hang out or not.)

    To be nice, I agreed saying, "yea, could do that". But nothing else. We ended up not hanging out. I didn't see him where we were suppose to meet after 5 minutes, so I spent my time with someone else. It wasn't until an HOUR later that he texted me and said something about how he's sorry and that he had to run quickly and do some errands for his mother. That he's in the CDM building if I still wanted to hang out.


    I was furious when I got that text at that moment because it told me that he went to hang out with his friends at CDM after his supposedly 'mom errand', and had either purposely ditched me from the beginning and lied about this 'errand' or just forgot that we were even going to hang out and finally remembered after an HOUR!

    It's not just that. I was mad at his suggestion of ME coming to HIM where HE was at! After he just ditched me and didn't even bother to let me know what happened ON TIME, and now assumes that I am going to make the effort into just hanging out with him?!!!!!
    HELL NO!!!

    I am a high-value señorita, and I have my standards. I make time in my schedule for socializing with acquaintances/etc, but I expect levels of respect towards each other.

    Another day, Kevin texted me again but I didn't even answer.
    Not worth my energy.

    But anyway, this chapter gave me some reassurance as to what I can do (or not do :P). Even after getting my conformation, I had satisfaction after reading the chapter. My mind is calm. ^^

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