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16日9月2013年０８：２３時っぽいポストした。

    Honestly I am not the type of person that likes surprises, just because the ones i have had in my past were never good or just didn't turn out so well for the other people. Even when people give me presents, i don't feel comfortable opening it in front of them because i am not good at showing my feelings in such an exaggerated way. >_< Do I smile even though i don't like it? >_<

    For example, I have had surprises been done for my birthday but i didn't know anyone that was there, it was made into a theme that was not even my taste (like you can totally tell that whoever chose to make this a theme definitely did not know me at all -- it was the Jessie cowgirl from Toy Story), and the cake had nuts on the outside (which is something only my dad likes. he basically only thought about himself), and some of the presents that i got were like "what the fuck man?". In other words, it's like i got random presents that didn't show me they honestly thought about what to get me. It's those type of presents that you get in a store while waiting in line, or just quickly choosing something random that caters  to a stereotype of what a 9 year old girl would like.

    There were other birthdays where during present time i waited until people left so that i can open them. Because what can you do when someone gives you a gift that you don't like at all? Plant a fake smile and lie saying that you love it?! I don't like doing that. >_< I really don't like lying to people in any way. Of course sometimes it is necessary, but in those special cases, even then, i don't exagerate nor make the lie so big that it would be disastrous if the other person found out.

    Even when people tell me that they have presents for me, i feel awkward because i don't know what to do. >_< What do i do? All i can do is just smile but i am so horrible at expressing my feelings directly (so i just use a bunch of metaphors and descriptions of nature stuff, like the smell of cafe in the morning and the sun rays coming in through the window softly. something like this..). Why am I so bad at this? T^T