１２日１０月２０１３年１９：１０時頃ポストした。
Little by little pealing an onion actually kinda gets to you. I like the aroma and the taste but isn't it strangely wonderful how you start crying just from cutting and pealing onions? I always joke when my ma is cutting onions, "don't worry. it'll get better i promise. life is not that depressing". Something like that. I know she is not sad, but i just find it funny. I promise there was a purpose for why i mentioned pealing onions but i totally forgot. XD
Oh yea! ! !
I was thinking about how (this is a metaphor) i am pealing my little onion and little by little i start crying. But its not sad crying, it's happy crying because i am able to peal my little onion and expose the inside of my weakest self. Which i do with only a few people. So far i have . . . 5 amazing people in my life that i can do that with. They are my brother, my 2 best friends in the world, Fernanda, and *^^*. (I would have said 6, but i feel that she doesn't make a lot of effort. . .I still like her but sometimes i wonder.)
I have other good friends that are close too (to varying degrees) but because they don't live by me, I haven't been so open like that with them. If i open myself to someone its because i truly trust them and i want them to always be in my life. They will support me and i will support them.
Omygosh!
I think I've only cried in front of 2 people. XD The first time was with Eddie. My ex broke up with me and I was really sad, so i called him and he came over to my house, walked to a nearby kids park, sat on a bench and while my eyes became red and my face looked like a mess, we just talked. I think it was like. . . . 2 ? 3? in the morning. That was a while ago.
The second time was this summer. . .maybe 1 week after 七夕 (that is Muchi's bday), and Jose was dropping off everyone (Javier and Jongwon, then Fernanda), and while he was driving me back (cuz i'm the one that lives the farthest) I told him the news how Muchi died and i just couldn't stop crying. I tried being happy that day, but after the group made a comment about some dog they saw in the park i became quiet. I couldn't say anything. And i tried really hard to hold in my tears.
When we got to my house I asked him if we could just talk for a bit more cuz i didn't want my mom to see me this way. We just talked for a bit (about random stuff. we even tried to find things that we don't have in common which are like 5 things) and that helped. Usually i just talk to people who i consider close to me when i'm feeling down,sad,stressed, etc. But i don't talk about my feelings, i just talk about everyday stuff. That makes me feel better.
Otherwise I've never cried in front of anyone else. . . ^^''
And yesterday Jose was like "oh, and remember to say 'thanku' when someone gives you a compliment". I said "aaah yea yea . . .". "Wait, why this all of a sudden?" And he told me how when he said to me that my dress was nice, I didn't say anything. Honestly i don't even remember me not saying anything. So i explained to him that when i was in puerto rico, always, and i mean ALWAYS, people would say "waaao. she's so pretty", "your daughter is so beautiful", "she looks marvelous", "she's beautiful", "she will grow even more pretty", "she's adorable" etc. And i kept thinking are they just being polite, or do they mean it? I couldn't tell if this is what they really thought because it happened all the time, so i just learned to smile and not say anything cuz even now i still think are they being polite or is this what they really think?
So he told me "well i mean them". I will try to say thanku next time i get a compliment, but only from my close friends and him of course. ^^
Oh yea! ! !
I was thinking about how (this is a metaphor) i am pealing my little onion and little by little i start crying. But its not sad crying, it's happy crying because i am able to peal my little onion and expose the inside of my weakest self. Which i do with only a few people. So far i have . . . 5 amazing people in my life that i can do that with. They are my brother, my 2 best friends in the world, Fernanda, and *^^*. (I would have said 6, but i feel that she doesn't make a lot of effort. . .I still like her but sometimes i wonder.)
I have other good friends that are close too (to varying degrees) but because they don't live by me, I haven't been so open like that with them. If i open myself to someone its because i truly trust them and i want them to always be in my life. They will support me and i will support them.
Omygosh!
I think I've only cried in front of 2 people. XD The first time was with Eddie. My ex broke up with me and I was really sad, so i called him and he came over to my house, walked to a nearby kids park, sat on a bench and while my eyes became red and my face looked like a mess, we just talked. I think it was like. . . . 2 ? 3? in the morning. That was a while ago.
The second time was this summer. . .maybe 1 week after 七夕 (that is Muchi's bday), and Jose was dropping off everyone (Javier and Jongwon, then Fernanda), and while he was driving me back (cuz i'm the one that lives the farthest) I told him the news how Muchi died and i just couldn't stop crying. I tried being happy that day, but after the group made a comment about some dog they saw in the park i became quiet. I couldn't say anything. And i tried really hard to hold in my tears.
When we got to my house I asked him if we could just talk for a bit more cuz i didn't want my mom to see me this way. We just talked for a bit (about random stuff. we even tried to find things that we don't have in common which are like 5 things) and that helped. Usually i just talk to people who i consider close to me when i'm feeling down,sad,stressed, etc. But i don't talk about my feelings, i just talk about everyday stuff. That makes me feel better.
Otherwise I've never cried in front of anyone else. . . ^^''
And yesterday Jose was like "oh, and remember to say 'thanku' when someone gives you a compliment". I said "aaah yea yea . . .". "Wait, why this all of a sudden?" And he told me how when he said to me that my dress was nice, I didn't say anything. Honestly i don't even remember me not saying anything. So i explained to him that when i was in puerto rico, always, and i mean ALWAYS, people would say "waaao. she's so pretty", "your daughter is so beautiful", "she looks marvelous", "she's beautiful", "she will grow even more pretty", "she's adorable" etc. And i kept thinking are they just being polite, or do they mean it? I couldn't tell if this is what they really thought because it happened all the time, so i just learned to smile and not say anything cuz even now i still think are they being polite or is this what they really think?
So he told me "well i mean them". I will try to say thanku next time i get a compliment, but only from my close friends and him of course. ^^
Thanku. ^^
For giving me the confidence to peal my little onion little by little and be able to enjoy it.
Sometimes I hesitate and other times i'm shy or scared, but with your constant kindness and reassurance I'm able to smile down at my little onion and keep pealing knowing that one day i'll see the center and know it will be cradled with warmth.
Sometimes I hesitate and other times i'm shy or scared, but with your constant kindness and reassurance I'm able to smile down at my little onion and keep pealing knowing that one day i'll see the center and know it will be cradled with warmth.
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