My bf has started to smoke again.
I don't like smoking.
It's selfish and unhealthy for both the smoker and the people around the smoker.
And there are so many bad things than good things.
I think about it everyday, and everyday my sadness and stress just gets bigger.
Today I'll drink with some friends during lunch.
Friday is a drinking party.
Saturday is another drinking party.
Sunday? Probably recovering from killing my liver.
I really don't like smoking and I'm not sure how to act if he wants to kiss me without hurting his feelings. I feel like I'm starting to hate him.
I was talking to one of my guy friends about this yesterday before going to sleep, and it seems like asian girls are really passive about this issue. Even talking to one of my japanese acquaintances, she was super passive even though she herself also doesn't like it.
Tomorrow will be 10 month anniversary.
It will be a sad anniversary. He's gonna be drinking and smoking this day too. T_T
I want to have a happy anniversary again. I want to look forward to kissing the person I like; not avoid it and think how gross it is. . . I want to hug the person and feel comfortable and love them, and them hug me and feel comfortable with me and love me. I love when a guy smells nice and takes care of his health, because then he will care about my health.
I'm not a strong person, and many times I will not care about my health to the point where it becomes very dangerous and deadly. Of course I haven't told him this side of me nor anyone else, so he may not understand how I think of it.
I'm just super disappointed and sad.
I honestly don't understand it.
Happy sad 10th anniversary. . . .