Aahh..I didn't know I would feel this way. I guess I didn't think about it too much before. In this point of my life, I'm in transition. It would be hard to be with someone with the thought of a serious relationship. I guess because I didn't want to be heartbroken again? Or that the situation would get complicated?
I figured I would do my work, and once I am in Japan I would start thinking about love again. And if I met someone here, and they are interesting, that it's ok to see where that goes. But ultimately they would have to accept that I do not want to live here for the rest of my life. So it wouldn't work anyways. So far, I haven't met anyone here that interests me. There was guy2 last year that got my interest, but I was so hesitant that I didn't do anything. I know he lives close to where I live, and takes the same train. I haven't seen him this year so far..
(He was in one of my classes, and we also took the same train. It wasn't until we had our final projects, for the end of the class, that he said "good luck" to me before I went to the front of the room to present my final project. I think those are the only words that were meant for me. Hahaha. This sounds so lame! I should have said something!)
It wasn't until guy1 asked if I was jealous about him being interested in someone, that I realized that I was jealous. I was honest with my answer, but now I regret saying it. I kept thinking 'You sound just like my host mother. She had told me she liked foreign guys and dreamed of having a family with a foreign guy, but her husband got to her first'. (Her husband is japanese.) And I felt a little sad for him when he (guy1) said he couldn't wait anymore.
Now I am enjoying my life and also doing what I need to do. I have never thought or felt like I was waiting for something to happen. Sometimes I do feel sad that I am not with someone, but I don't think about it for too long, and do some of my hobbies or focus on my studies. So when guy1 had said he can't wait, I thought it was sad. Maybe I have been selfish in only thinking about what I need to do in my life, and didn't consider others' feelings? I thought no one had feelings for me, so I thought it was nothing bad to focus on my goals...
I don't know..
This is a little more complicating now that I talk about it, but honestly, I do hope that once I'm in Japan I will find a friend who can become more than that. For now, let's enjoy life. ^^
I figured I would do my work, and once I am in Japan I would start thinking about love again. And if I met someone here, and they are interesting, that it's ok to see where that goes. But ultimately they would have to accept that I do not want to live here for the rest of my life. So it wouldn't work anyways. So far, I haven't met anyone here that interests me. There was guy2 last year that got my interest, but I was so hesitant that I didn't do anything. I know he lives close to where I live, and takes the same train. I haven't seen him this year so far..
(He was in one of my classes, and we also took the same train. It wasn't until we had our final projects, for the end of the class, that he said "good luck" to me before I went to the front of the room to present my final project. I think those are the only words that were meant for me. Hahaha. This sounds so lame! I should have said something!)
It wasn't until guy1 asked if I was jealous about him being interested in someone, that I realized that I was jealous. I was honest with my answer, but now I regret saying it. I kept thinking 'You sound just like my host mother. She had told me she liked foreign guys and dreamed of having a family with a foreign guy, but her husband got to her first'. (Her husband is japanese.) And I felt a little sad for him when he (guy1) said he couldn't wait anymore.
Now I am enjoying my life and also doing what I need to do. I have never thought or felt like I was waiting for something to happen. Sometimes I do feel sad that I am not with someone, but I don't think about it for too long, and do some of my hobbies or focus on my studies. So when guy1 had said he can't wait, I thought it was sad. Maybe I have been selfish in only thinking about what I need to do in my life, and didn't consider others' feelings? I thought no one had feelings for me, so I thought it was nothing bad to focus on my goals...
I don't know..
This is a little more complicating now that I talk about it, but honestly, I do hope that once I'm in Japan I will find a friend who can become more than that. For now, let's enjoy life. ^^
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