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本当のポストした日：６日１２月２０１３年１５：４０時っぽい

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You know when you need 50 more cents and your friend gives it to you,

or when your friend treats you to lunch; it makes you feel just that more special because you're not alone. ^^ 

This time photoshop won't even open on my computer so I had to use Sketchbook Pro, but I saved the file so I can touch it up later to be more clean.

Clothes or boyfriend?

本当のポストした日：１日１０日２０１３年１９：４７時っぽい


    So like other bloggers, I also follow other blogs :P, and I got a notification from this dude with the title " The Truth about Sex in Japan ". I was all " uuuuh what is it about this time? hmmm ". But before reading that post, I read this and I find myself getting a little sad. . .because I realized what the topic was about. It reminded me when I was taking my political science class (about Japan and sometimes talking about international relations with China, Korea, etc) and whenever we talked it seemed like there was never any happy news. . .
    I even remember my teacher telling me "頑張って" (during a discussion about female workers in Japan), but that the other girl in the class (not including the 3rd girl) would be more popular than me because she has blond hair, blue eyes, and a really pointy nose, whereas I had brown eyes, brown hair, not such a pointy nose and was 'too quiet' so I wouldn't really stick out as much. Jajajaja I guess I am too 'bland' for some people. XD But that didn't matter to me. (I have my amazing latina skills. :P) Anyways,

    whenever we talked it always seemed a little sad, but there is still something to look forward to right? I mean, 40% is a really surprising number for people who aren't interested in sex, but what about the other 60%? I just find it hard to believe that even though the number of people saying "i dont want relationships, marriage, or sex" increases, there are still people that think differently.

    Isn't it just nice to go home or go to your boyfriends/girlfriends home and spend time with them or go to a park or something? Love doesn't disappear. :P

    Honestly I think saying something like "i get to go shopping, and hang with my girlfriends and do all these other things, so I love my independence". . . .good for you. That's not my idea of independence but ok. . . But at the end of the day, your clothes or your job is not going to be there to hug you when you feel sad.

    And the other thing: I hate infidelity. That's where I can't change my mind. I learned from my dad what not to do, and that's something I'm never gonna do. If I am with a guy and he wants to cheat on me? Ok. But that would be the end of our relationship. No 2nd chances. I demand respect, I don't ask for it. :P

    Ok. The end. Next subject. I'm still curious what a love hotel looks like. One of my friends told me there were 'themes' and you choose the rooms from pictures? I dunno, I'm just curious. Whether or not I wanna go in one. . . . . I dunno. XD

    But this song is pretty good when you're in the mood. . . . Of course silence is fine too. ^^

    I heard it in the car the other day and I liked it. :)

   

    And for some reason my ma showed me this song. . .the tune is catchy but didn't like the lyrics. Then saw this video and thought "oh cool". I think the Indian guy is funny since he prefers japanese curry over indian curry. XD I love カレー ! 

    I'm so envious of their japanese  =______=. . . .
Especially the guy from California.

中毒かな

本当のポストした日：３１日１０月２０１３年２３：４５時っぽい

    This 3D animation class is driving me crazy. :P So I am looking forward to when this quarter ends, and my winter break starts. I want to go snowboarding with my friends. And I also have to look at where I will stay. OMYGOSH WHY IS TOKYO SO EXPENSIVE?!?!?!?!?????? TT________TT

Things I need to do:

go to financial aid office next monday (see if i can become a part-time student. . . . omygosh i'm so poor XD)
go to dentist tomorrow (friday)
buy more underwear and pants =_= ( i have too many hello kitty underwear. how did that happen?. . . .)
answer my italian penpal and philippine penpal
email Waseda
study for JLPT
finish thesis for grad. school =_________=
finish creating facebook portfolio (to show for potential future work)
figure out grant/loans stuff for grad school
get paper work done for grad school
figure out where the hell i will stay T^T
homework for monday and this friday
decide what animation project to do for next school quarter (should i do 祖父祖母 or comic strip idea?迷う. . .)
stop being so distracted from K. . . .what the hell. . . . i think i have addiction >___>
muster up the courage to tell my mom and brother >_<

中毒. . . .that's the word of the week.



But I really don't mind. *^^*
I can be happy right? ^^
So I wanna listen to this song while I fall asleep in his arms. (It's from one of my favorite anime, and I don't watch much anime :P)
Happy 1 month anniversary sweetie! *^^*

I think this song really reflects how I feel. *^^*



I know this doesn't have english translations, >_< but it's about kissing.
The song is called Besame by Camila.

Zoomin Japan

１４日１０月２０１３年２３：４８時頃ポストした。


    Again I find myself being stressed and I kinda. . . . got disappointed by what she said regarding the summer trip. I had my heart set on it and just cuz i dont have certain answers at the moment, she doesn't know. Whatever, I'm still being optimistic about it.

    I jumped ahead a bit and was looking at this. (Talks about visa stuff for Japan.) Now i have more reason to get to level N1 in JLPT! Oh my gosh i have to study so much T^T.
    And my teacher sent me an email today regarding my behaviour. Things that I had already talked with her, but i think i just don't stand out in her memory? From her email, I felt like there was a different image of me as a student and i'm not gonna lie, it did upset me. I thought i had already cleared out reasons for some of these things but i guess not. . . I like my other teacher better. . .

    Anyways, it's my break now. I wanted to finish reading this before having a small snack and some of my homework. I think it's really interesting topic; one that i am starting to cover more in my graduate plan although my focus is more on brazilian-japanese. Of course I would like to do in "foreigners" in general but this seems like too broad. And then i moved to this article about an interview with a guy who did JET and is now in Okinawa permanently and has written 2 books and blogs regularly. :D Isn't that cool?! It would be really nice to have a conversation with him about work and his books.

    Hmmm I'll have to work on my Facebook page to get publicity on my art =_=. But when can i draw if i am studying all the time? Drawings i do now is just simple cartoons for study notes. XD And most of my time lately is taken from my lovely BF, my friends, my mentee (this is my volunteer work that i am doing right now. pretty awesome!! if only i got payed TT_TT), studying and running. My hand and mind have so many ideas to draw down, but right now I am more busy with preparing for test, run, and JLPT. I really want to get a good score. ^^''

    And then I found an even more interesting post here, about relationships between women and their jp guy. :P I remember one summer i was trying to look for this stuff, but it was so difficult! I'm like, "WHY IS THIS SHIT SO DIFFICULT???!?!?!?!?!?!!! I can't be the only one out there!". I mean, there are plenty of stories of western guys with japanese girls and my teachers are proof of that actually, and how guys are easily able to get a girlfriend (even when they are considered ugly back home they still find a girlfriend somehow. . .) but that still left me with questions of the other side of the story. Even my friend Jose was like, "yea it wasn't that hard to find a girlfriend. and i was actually surprised how quickly they would point out to a love hotel".
    I still remember when I was in Hiroshima and the 2 girls we met up with for dinner and karaoke were hovering over the guys, and i was so amazed cuz i kept thinking, "what the hell? these guys are soooooo not attractive, let alone gentlemen. . . . . . I mean come on!!! What do they see in them? XD". It's like they became superstars for that night. Basically the rest of that trip all of us felt like superstars since people kept staring at us. . . .ALL the time. Me and my friend even made a song about it and i remember it to this day.

I see you lookin' at me

lookin' at me

lookin' at me.

I see you lookin' at me, and then I look at you.

You see me lookin' at you

lookin' at you

lookin' at you.

You see me lookin' at you, and then you look away.

    And it really is true. Although she told me that when she went to Tokyo all her superstar-feeling-ness went away, and she was treated like any other person. I only know about how people stared at me all the time in Hiroshima and Kyoto so I don't know about Tokyo. (It was cute though sometimes, especially when these girls on a bus were all shy and excited. So we said hi to them and they took pictures of us, and we wrote them a little message in english (just stuff like "hi. how are you? have fun this summer". so nothing difficult) because they told us they were studying english. I didn't want to go since what they wanted to do was different from what I wanted to do and I had already spent a lot of money on clothes. . . XD It took me a while to find geta in my size. . . and the thing that goes inside the obi. Luckily I have a fashion magazine now (japanese) that explains how to put it on, cuz i totally forgot. XD

    But anyway, my point was that it was difficult to find stories where the guy is the one who is japanese and not the girl. So I was really glad to had found it and read stories about Claudia and Zia. It gave me more . . .hmmm. . . . . . .how to say. . . .positive energy? Luckily my bf doesn't have to meet my grama. XD She thinks every asian person is chinese (this is pretty typical thinking in Puerto Rico). But if he did I dunno what to do because she speaks and understand english but she chooses not to. And she's really old fashioned. Last time I HINTED to her that I wasn't christian, . . . o . . . my. . . gosh. But family is family. ^^

    I would like to know how people met. This always interests me cuz i love stories! Like the movie My Darling Is A Foreigner (which is also a manga). I watched this movie as well as 2 other japanese movies in the airplane to Japan, and I fell in love with the story! I think the manga is first actually, then they made a movie. But I would totally buy this movie and watch it 30 billion times. ^^'''

    I could feel nervous when she went to a party where her "darling" was, and it was mostly foreign people so she really felt nervous and awkward and just wanted to find her boyfriend but then she was all overwhelmed from all the people there. And here I am in my airplane seat watching this and holding my breath and thinking "omygosh omygosh omygosh omygosh omygosh". XD

    Once when I went to Sanseido, I found one of the manga and I bought it because i really liked the movie. Which reminds me, I have to go again because i'm running out of soap. XD I need soap for shower! I like smelling like mint. *^^* Maybe this is weird to some people but after my trip in Japan, now i only use japanese soap. It's amazing. :3 I even gave some to my brother for his birthday. I guess there are some things that I thought, "omygosh this is so much better. XD". So when i came back i was a little disappointed. And I realized about me, that I quickly got used to talking slower in english, bowing and saying "はい" all the time. And I ACTUALLY felt insulted a bit when a guy in the airport security was making conversation with me, because he asked me my age (or something like that. . .don't really remember). I was actually thinking "I'm DEFINITELY back in america. . .This guy is so direct!". Ya. . . . . it was reverse culture shock. ^^'''

Here is a little preview, so you know what I'm talking about. :P

    But anyways,

I'm glad to have read the article and now i'm gonna dig more posts cuz it seems like a really interesting site. :3 So this post became . . . .super mega long! XD But to make things more interesting, here is something else that I was reading about. I was against the idea of teaching from the beginning but now i'm starting to think that it can benefit me because i have learned that i love helping my friends with their japanese and english (even though i am not native in either one XD). Hmmm, still thinking about it. :3

ありがとう〜

１２日１０月２０１３年１９：１０時頃ポストした。

    Little by little pealing an onion actually kinda gets to you. I like the aroma and the taste but isn't it strangely wonderful how you start crying just from cutting and pealing onions? I always joke when my ma is cutting onions, "don't worry. it'll get better i promise. life is not that depressing". Something like that. I know she is not sad, but i just find it funny. I promise there was a purpose for why i mentioned pealing onions but i totally forgot. XD

    Oh yea! ! !

    I was thinking about how (this is a metaphor) i am pealing my little onion and little by little i start crying. But its not sad crying, it's happy crying because i am able to peal my little onion and expose the inside of my weakest self. Which i do with only a few people. So far i have . . . 5 amazing people in my life that i can do that with. They are my brother, my 2 best friends in the world, Fernanda, and *^^*. (I would have said 6, but i feel that she doesn't make a lot of effort. . .I still like her but sometimes i wonder.)

    I have other good friends that are close too (to varying degrees) but because they don't live by me, I haven't been so open like that with them. If i open myself to someone its because i truly trust them and i want them to always be in my life. They will support me and i will support them.

    Omygosh!
    I think I've only cried in front of 2 people. XD The first time was with Eddie. My ex broke up with me and I was really sad, so i called him and he came over to my house, walked to a nearby kids park, sat on a bench and while my eyes became red and my face looked like a mess, we just talked. I think it was like. . . . 2 ? 3? in the morning. That was a while ago.

    The second time was this summer. . .maybe 1 week after 七夕 (that is Muchi's bday), and Jose was dropping off everyone (Javier and Jongwon, then Fernanda), and while he was driving me back (cuz i'm the one that lives the farthest) I told him the news how Muchi died and i just couldn't stop crying. I tried being happy that day, but after the group made a comment about some dog they saw in the park i became quiet. I couldn't say anything. And i tried really hard to hold in my tears.
    When we got to my house I asked him if we could just talk for a bit more cuz i didn't want my mom to see me this way. We just talked for a bit (about random stuff. we even tried to find things that we don't have in common which are like 5 things) and that helped. Usually i just talk to people who i consider close to me when i'm feeling down,sad,stressed, etc. But i don't talk about my feelings, i just talk about everyday stuff. That makes me feel better.

    Otherwise I've never cried in front of anyone else. . . ^^''

    And yesterday Jose was like "oh, and remember to say 'thanku' when someone gives you a compliment". I said "aaah yea yea . . .". "Wait, why this all of a sudden?" And he told me how when he said to me that my dress was nice, I didn't say anything. Honestly i don't even remember me not saying anything. So i explained to him that when i was in puerto rico, always, and i mean ALWAYS, people would say "waaao. she's so pretty", "your daughter is so beautiful", "she looks marvelous", "she's beautiful", "she will grow even more pretty", "she's adorable" etc. And i kept thinking are they just being polite, or do they mean it? I couldn't tell if this is what they really thought because it happened all the time, so i just learned to smile and not say anything cuz even now i still think are they being polite or is this what they really think?
    So he told me "well i mean them". I will try to say thanku next time i get a compliment, but only from my close friends and him of course. ^^

    Thanku. ^^

    For giving me the confidence to peal my little onion little by little and be able to enjoy it.
    Sometimes I hesitate and other times i'm shy or scared, but with your constant kindness and reassurance I'm able to smile down at my little onion and keep pealing knowing that one day i'll see the center and know it will be cradled with warmth.

hafu underwear

６日１０月２０１３年２１：５３時頃ポストした。

    Sorry I don't write much lately >___<'''''
    Actually I am making something that requires me to write a lot, and i want to make it really special so i feel like apologizing to my own blog~. No worries. I promise it's something totally worth my time.

    All i can say for now is that i have to write a lot, but actually i don't mind. I like it. ^^

    Soooooo, today got a new phone: iPhone 5c. The one i had got water damage (in the inside...how did that happen? i mean is it sensitive to even moisture? cuz i brought it in with me to a sauna room... XD) I'm happy with it. But more excited about my new sexy shoes. :3 They were on sale too. But it's the first time I bought heels for me (like more than 2.5 inch heels). I told my ma "yknow. . . i'm getting a little older. I'm going to bars more often, and i want to go to salsa clubs and dance with good shoes; not gym shoes or flats.". I wanted to look sexy. :3
    Plus it's kinda hard. . . . actually its extremely hard for me to find shoes in Japan (why are their feet so tiny?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!! T^T), so I figured let me get shoes here for different occasions. That way i can just bring them with me. I really didn't like going shoe shopping over there cuz they never had my size. . .for women shoes. I realized my size was considered guy size. XD!
    And underwear for girls is really different too! To me they kinda looked like a younger version of my grandmother. . . >____> So i have to get that here too (and some bras). I like my underwear to have less fabric, and i'm more into silky stuff, not cotton. . . I looked at bras only a little bit cuz what I did see had so much decoration on it. And I couldn't figure out my size. So me and my friends went to go eat instead.

    So yea. Will have to get that stuff here where I can get shoes my size, bras in my size AND style, and my sexy underwear that doesn't look like grama underwear.

    And I was talking with Jose about this halloween. And i know i want to go out with friends or do something! And of course you have to dress up/ :P and its a perfect time to use my new shoes! I want to be something sexy! I'm young and i have the body for it, so i wanna do it! If he was here it would be more fun, especially when i get tipsy. I am sooooooo not shy when i'm tipsy. Actually i noticed i tend to be kinda flirty, although it has to be with someone i'm interested in. If i'm not interested in them, i don't do anything other than just. . . .talk more. XD But my shyness is totally gone.

    Jose was telling me about his friend and how when he gets drunk he becomes really angry, and he was surprised because it really showed what kind of person he is and how much he changed. But i know i don't change like this. The only thing that changes about me is i don't have balance (i loose my ability to walk. . . .properly), i mix languages and i don't care of my mistakes (so maybe my japanese is better when i am drunk XD), and i flirt with those who i like (this is why i think it would be really interesting if he was here. would i be able to control myself? (o___o?). . .? ) Otherwise, I'm the same person. *^^*

    But anyways, for class tomorrow i have to present a piece of news. I like going to Japan Times because they have interesting things about language, like this. This is what i will talk about. Before i was thinking of talking about this one, but is a little difficult to talk about in japanese. =_= And i found the main site for the documentary film here, but they are only doing in the coasts of US, not in the middle!! TT_______TT Anyways, a special someone showed me this song and i really liked it. :3 So i'm putting it here and listen to it a billion times while i finish my homework. 明日単語の小テストあるね。。。。=__=

I'm totally planning to sing this in karaoke. And the singer is actually good looking, but i have someone better. :P

Oh and here's another one that i like.

Gonna have fun doing homework and having less sleep. >____>

I still like the original version better.

Summer song~

２２日９月２０１３年２３：５４時頃ポストした。


    My last post was about him not appreciating my time because he was texting all the time while with me and my friends. Obviously he did not apologize and did not show any concern so in my head i just thought that I will treat him like any other stranger/acquaintance.

    Took me about 2 days to get over it and a 3rd day to really REALLY just kinda.....mmm....how to say....not care? Yes i am still not talking to him, but i am sure he has plenty of 'friends' to talk to now. Don't take me for a fool. I know what was happening, and i didn't like it. So i'll just throw him off the cliff and keep mingling. :3 I can get over things pretty quickly. I told this to my best friendy (that I can easily fall for someone (I can't control my heart), but I can easily get over them). He told me he thinks it's a good quality but wasn't sure if that was a good thing because to him it shows him that I have been hurt many times so it's like I've gotten used to getting dumped and hurt.

    Hmm.... It is a little sad. ^^''' I have gotten dumped many times. I think I was the one to dump the other person maybe....3 times? The rest, I was dumped. :P

    Anyways, off to a new topic:
    Totally increasing my drinking tolerance now. XD For sure...

    As well as my endurance level.

    And to finish it off on a lovely note. A song that i fell in love from the start and left a deep impression on me, because it describes my passion for this season so well --->

Huin Huispa

As my first animation project, this is my first rough storyline.

This was for a class project. The criteria was: 1 minute animation (I am way over that limit 笑),

and to use the tools we have learned in class.

I still want to change the ending of the story to something less violent.

But I am very content with finishing it.

I hope to make many other animations.

But my story making is not finished just yet. ^^

Please leave comments regarding the video.